Starting From Scratch Again!!

I am currently 22. At the age of 16, almost 17, and she had just turned 15 three days before. I met this girl who was my best friends cousin. We hit it off hard. I mean wow. We had 2 or so fantastic years and everything was great. We made to about a week before 5 and a half years. We have been through so so much with each other. Not one person in this world knows me like she does and vise versa. In that time I learned some very valuable lessons that most don't but also missed out on a lot that most have been through. So we agreed that we need some space and needed to separate so i moved out. We agreed that we were still together and we needed to get stronger ourselves and then come together again. Anyway she had told me that she was talking to someone. Which was fine because I knew it would be good for her to release emotions and talk to someone. Well she came to my house (drunk off her *** no idea how she walked over) passed out on my kitchen floor and stayed there for a hour or so. I went and took a shower and let her sleep and sober a bit. So I finally got her to the bed and plugged her phone in. As I did I knew I shouldn't but I had to. I started reading text for various friends. Blah Blah Blah. Then I get to their texts. Wow was I shocked with some of the things i was reading. Making videos, face f******g, bj's for homework help. I wanted to wake her up and kick her out but did not. Just went upstairs and went to bed. So now she knows I am mad and we are on this teeter tooter of emotions. Sucks. A few days ago I asked if I could stop by and talked for just a minute just as friends. So we talked and she said she was going to go to her moms and have dinner or something. I went to her mom's house and no her there so I drove back into town and see her car in front of a restaurant and she is inside with him. Watched for a few minutes then left. They left and both went to our old place. I know cause I saw them in the hallway as i drove by. At this point im filled with rage. At about 1 am or so I decided to go back over. Yes i was playing secret agent sneaking around but something wasn't right. No living room light just a dim lamp in the bedroom. So i go around back and peak into the window past the blinds. Shock # 2. Didn't really want to see what was going on in there. In my head the option to kick in the door and **** s**t up or just leave was waging war. I decided to leave as I did not want to go to jail. Before i left i gave a huge fist to the window right beside the bed to scare her and let her know that i knew. Im not stupid and she seemed to think I am. Then I went home to gather all the memories laying around (cards, photos, notes, etc). Drove to my mom's house who lives about an hour and a half away. Arrived around 3 am and burned every shred of her in the fire pit. **** her. I much better than that and deserve much better. I'm going to live life for me and enjoy it. She is just somebody I used to know. The sooner I let it go, the sooner I give myself peace. Thanks for reading.
Michael20219 Michael20219
22-25, M
Dec 9, 2012