For the Last Time...

She just called.  Hundreds of miles away but she can still get to me.  I only answered because she has been doing so well lately. 

"You need to be here.  I need you here," she slurred into the phone.  "Are you okay," I ask.  "Yeah.  I'm really f***ed up.  I miss you.  I need you here."  "It would still be the same," I tell her, "But I wish I could be there."  She gets mad.  "What are you doing with your life?  Are you still a loser?" she asks followed by "I gotta go..."

My alcoholic ex-girlfriend has relapsed again.  I love her.  I hate that she's killing herself.  There's nothing I can do.  I'll hear from her in a few days.  She'll be full of remorse.  "I need you more than anyone has ever needed anything," she'll say, still hung over and wishing she could stop...

alobar alobar
36-40, M
3 Responses Jun 13, 2007

I've been away for a while. Just going through my stories and when I came across this one, I opened it up. I just realized that I still feel the same for her as I did back then. She got married, has a kid now, and is sober and doing well. <br />
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I, on the other hand have been drinking to the point of injury. Concussion and huge cut with nine stitches on my forehead as I type. I get it. I have my own mountains to climb.<br />
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As for her, I still feel her in my heart.

i am so sorry. this is so very upsetting...BUT it helps to put things into perspective for me. just know that this story has helped someone else try to fix things now, before things go too far.

That's gotta be painful...I know I've hurt a lot of people through my alcoholism...I hope that she can find her way out of it somehow...she may seem really hopeless but sometimes miracles happen and a person is able to pull themselves out of it due to some kind of experience...it is a deep dark hole that I'm just now getting out of myself, 5 months sober now...good luck dude and hang in there