Confession Compleated

 


January 23 at 11:50p.m.


I tried to call tonight but it went to voice mail all three times so it looks like i wont get to talk to u like i want to. I miss u so bad love, last night made me so happy. I feel like i didn get to tell u all the things i wanted to so i will tell u now

I know u love me and i wouldn't doubt it for the world, i can feel the love u have just radiate from u and i cant help but be so happy. I love u so much more than mere words can express and i cant help but need to know ur safe. Before when u told me u loved me i thought you might not mean it that much, so i was careful, but i knew yesterday that it was always true.

And u know what else? i love you. i love you with such a fierce love that it scares me sometimes. I don't know what i would do if i lost u, i can hardly hold my self together with out u now. And i think i loved you from the first time you held my hand. I just loved you and was afraid to. But oh how i love you sweetie.

You make me more happy than ever and knowing that your willing to give things up for me lets me know how much u want us to be together. I wish u loved god like i do... more actually cuz that's what i have always wanted, but sense god made me for u i know u will. I see your heart and i know its like his already.

When u told your mom "Mom i love her i have to see her." i just kind of let all my feelings go, idk why then but it struck me as so... it just opened up everything, i know u really love me to try to make it here. And that u weren't afraid to let your family know, that you trust me not to hurt u. Baby im so so sorry i hurt u the first time, i wont let it happen again. I love u so much and i hate knowing i hurt u.

I cried when i was finally alone, because i ached for u. I needed u to be near me, to hear your voice to know u loved me. I felt like i would never be able to be right with u again. But i didn't want to go back on what i said. sometimes im a little prideful, and i make stupid choices, but i want whats right. And at that time i didn't know what that was. But i do now, i know that you are my soul mate my other half, you make my life a story that i have only read about.

I thought we could just be friends but when u wouldn'tt look at me or looked really un happy... i just wanted to cry. but icouldn'tt do that so i just got angry and went to church and divided my self, but that was not god and i knew it. I knew it and still did it. i wish i had my own mind and never did that. And when i realized it i just felt like dying, like i really did lose u completely. And it hurt, god it hurt so bad. i loved u without knowing. And i hurt us both, im so so sorry love. Please forgive me.

And i knew i had to have you back in my life, as my love. Need to touch you and hold you and hear your heart beet and feel your hands. To tell you i love you. Because it was so true and i couldn't hide it from my self, and i wanted you to know, needed you to know. And now more than ever i love you so much my heart feels like its tearing at the seams. I love you with every bit of my soul. "I love you i have to be with you."

Its not an option any more, i HAVE to be with you love, i love you and i cant live without you. I cant lose you or else i will lose my self, i will never be whole if you are taken from me. You have my heart so completely that if you were gone i would die, vanish, be non existent. I love you and need you Love, no one else can fill my life up be my missing half like you my love. No one, only you can be the one, i was made for you, just as you are for me.

before i knew i loved you sexual stuff was just a feeling, but now that i have let my self love you its been more than a physical feeling, every time you touch me, kiss me, when you sink into me my heart grows with love for you.


 


I need you to smile and to kiss me just be cause, i need you to laugh and to tell me about your day, your pain, your worst fears. I want to know everything about you love.

Love i need everything about you in my life, i need your hand in mine, your voice in my ear, your heart beating against me. Oh baby i cant put in to words all the love i have for you, when i think about you my heart hurts and my eyes water, it feels like i could just expand and explode. The joy overtakes me so fast and hard when i know you are here, when you are coming. You make me so so happy love, i cant explain in enough words how happy you make me, and i want all the world to know that i love you that your so amazing. Because you are.


 


And when we are laying together i feel that i must be the most blessed woman in the world to have a man who loves me and cares for me and needs me as much as i need him. I look into your eyes and see all that i am to you and hope that's what you see in mine. I lay against you and i feel safe, you caress me and i long to do the same. you hold me tenderly to you, you kiss my lips as if they were butterfly wings. you speak in your warm voice about everything, and i want to know it all. My handsome sweet, future father and my husband. I want so much this future we will have together. i want all that it has to offer us. i can see us making love and then trying to get pregnant. me lying against you in bed while your rubbing my stomach that holds our baby. You kiss me tenderly goodby as you leave. Worrying to death when i stay out to long and getting annoyed when i demand for some silly craving.

i see us together as our children leave and were alone again, me cooking dinner as you come home and wrap your arms around me from behind and just tell me you love me.

DarkAmber DarkAmber
18-21, F
Mar 8, 2010