We met when I was in a bad place - just having had my heart broken myself. And at first things were great - we laughed, had fun, enjoyed being together and were close. But then he started talking about kids and marriage and that scared me - Im not ready for that kind of commitment. I told him that I just wanst ready to talk about it - but he kept pushing and pushing. And at some point I started comparing him to my ex who was the love of my life - just so you know, I told him up front that he would always be number 2 to my ex and he said that he could live with that.

Over time I pulled away from him and he fought back harder everytime - I just didnt feel anything for him anymore. I just felt that we were on different paths and that they were turning in different directions. I know he loves me truly and I do care about him. I just didnt think it was fair for me to keep pretendng and never actually feeling anything - not fair to me or to him. I know that I hurt him and I feel terrible about it - but if I'd given in and just gone with his plans things would have turned out worse for everyone involved. I just know that its better to hurt him now rather than later - at least he has more of a chance to move on and find someone who wants the same thins he does.

Pinkpout Pinkpout
26-30, F
2 Responses Feb 7, 2010

You totally did the right thing. It would be a terrible thing to marry someone that you did not love as well as he loved you. It would eventually end in divorce anyway. You are wise. Sometimes you have to hurt someone to give them what they need most. In your case, a chance at real love. And who knows, you may one day find someone you can love powerfully too. Don't limit your life to believing another love will always be number two. A new love will never be your first love, but it can be great in a whole new and different way. Just be sure to give the right guy a chance. Good luck.

When I was younger, I was in love with a man in the same way as your ex, and he was in love with me too... but like you, wasn't ready for marriage, when I was.<br />
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I broke up with him because it became more and more apparent that we wanted different things. He's very happy now with another woman, and I did get married myself later on to a wonderful man. My ex and I remain good friends, though of course not as close as we once were (we have also moved to different cities far apart since then).<br />
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You did the right thing. Time heals a ton of wounds.