My Mom Was 46

I lost my mom just over two years ago to cancer. I was holding her hand when she died in the hospital, and that last day is forever etched deeply into my mind. I can't get the image of her slowly dying out of my head. She was so brave throughout her fight, and her attitude was always "I got this." She believed she was gonna beat it. That's so inspirational to me.

I just can't believe she's gone. There are so many things I never said to her. She and I didn't always get along so great, so I have a lot of major regrets about our relationship. Why in the hell didn't I try harder to be closer to her? For years I tried so hard to convince myself that I wasn't like her at all. Well now that it's too late, I now realize that I am just like her, and that's not a bad thing at all. I didn't know how cool she was until she was already sick. That's when we started mending things. But let me tell you, that was too little too late. Losing her like I did, and never really having a strong relationship with her until the end.......is by far my biggest regret in life.

Sometimes I miss her so much I feel physically ill. Death is stupid. I don't know what else to say....
Darkaera81 Darkaera81
31-35, M
2 Responses Dec 2, 2012

Stupid spell checker. Unread should be you are

I hope unread doing ok