Love You Mom..

Hello everyone my name is Maryam I recently lost my mother on dec 14th 2012 ..:( she was my best friend my mother was like no other she was understanding, beautiful ,and the light of my life .... She had been sick for a few months but I was working hard to get her well.. And everything I did was all in vein ... I have been lost ever since God called her home ..... My mom was amazing she would help anyone who needed her anytime of the day or night she had a huge sweet,beautiful heart .. So giving and loved her family with all her heart , her grandkids were her life .. While she was in the hospital she said to me , " Love, don't worry I will beat this and come out on top" ... I promised her that I wouldn't rest until we got her well.. Again I failed , I have so many why's .. What if's ...why didn't i's.... I should of's ... And they just don't stop I am so angry at myself , my family and mostly the hospital and stupid doctors that killed her ... She was overloaded with fluids witch caused pulmonary Adema and in Laymons terms her lungs filled up with fluids and due to the fact her body was already weak she was not able to pull her self out of the situation these negligent nurses caused for her...if this had not happened my beautiful mother would be here with me still... She was terrified when they were intabaiting her she was forced to be put on a ventilator due to her oxygen levels being below 80% since the nurse pushed blood products to quickly witch filled her lungs up and was not able to breath well .. This is why I am so upset with these people ... I filed a complaint for the 3 doctors to be investigated and I pray every minute of everyday they loose their license to practice medicine ... I do not want this unfortunate situation to happen to another innocent family... And as of today the insurance company has taken back all payments to this hospital this will be a long on going process but I truly hope they are not able to hurt another person from their gross negligence ...
Back to my mommy .. I'm 31 years old I need my mom I haven't had children yet and now my mom will never meet my future babies " although I hear the angles in heaven hold them before they come to me " I am hurting so bad .. I can not pull my self out of this rut !!!! I visit my moms grave site daily and decorate with flowers and candles and rose pedals everywhere please view my pictures as I post all the new arraignments I place for her on this site .... I feel like I am going crazy I could sit at her side for hours and I find myself wanting to dig the grass and durt up and get her out and bring her home with me .. I know I can't but I just want to see her again I am waiting for a dream I have read so many people have of their loved ones ..... I want it so bad but it's been 34 days and my mom has not visited me yet .. I am wanting to talk with a medium to make sure my mom is happy,well and has found her way up in heaven .. I don't know if this is all crazy talk but I am a educated women I have a masters in nursing RN MSN ... but I have never had these feeling before in my life I cry at the drop of a dime and just can not pull my self to go back to work .. I have trouble sleeping, eating, smiling , really I can't do much of anything .. I am married and today I decided to get a tattoo with my 3 sisters in rememberince of my wonderful mom . But now my husband is saying its not a good idea I was heart broken .. How can I make him understand how much I need this .... My mom was my life and I miss and love her like crazy ..
This is the quote I wanted to get
god broke my heart to prove to me he only takes the best ..
The date 12-14-12 and MOM ..