Lonely

I just lost my wife of 42 yrs to Uterine cancer, she s been gone a little over a month and I'm lost without her.I can't stop looking at pics of her, I have a son and 3 grandkids that live with me ,but I'm still lonesone, don't know what to do to kill time, everything I like to do is not enjoyable if you are alone.
any ideas would be helpful, I work every day and concentration is hard.
jim19516 jim19516
56-60
3 Responses Aug 5, 2010

Hello I am so sorry for the loss of your wife....I know what you are going through.....My name is Mike...my wife Debbie past away April 14, 2014..with a long 6 year battle against ovarian cancer .We were together 21 years....It has been a little over a month now since her passing ...and to explain how deep the sorrow and crushing loss I am feeling everyday only multiplies after waking up to realize that its another day without my wife in my life......I mean this woman was the most beautiful special treasure to me ..a kind and giving person to everybody in our family and to total strangers that she would see out in life or in the chemo room..she would just walk over to anyone sick and with a sad face and want to comfort that person,and to tell them that someone cared for them.......My wife tried every single chemotherapy and radiation that mainstream medicine had to offer....but the cancer advanced anyway and spread to her lymph nodes under her right arm and breast in which she had a radical masectomy .... The cancer just grew into the incision were her breast used to be and then spread to her lungs and toward her heart...I mean ..."My God she was in such pain"..My most beautiful angel!!.......My wifes cancer left her deformed with cancer tumors spreading across her chest wall and covered her right arm with severe lymphedema........ The complete pain and agony the she went through I can only scratch the surface to tell you on this post, daily for months on end...I as a husband who loved her more than life itself...all I could do was watch as this wretched ,twisted,rotten disease consumed and took away the most precious person in my whole life....I would lean over her body next to her in bed and she would gaze up upon my face and say to me "Daddy I love you ".."Please help me"...."im just a little girl".."Im scared"......and all I could say back is that "I know honey..""im so sorry"..If my love could heal you,..you would have been healed years ago...."Im just so very sorry baby".."and I love you with all my heart"...So all I could do was watch as this disease took my beloved away from me.....I am beyond crushed,and am in complete anguish everyday without her...I am very angry about how the way she went out with this cancer....all of the doctors and hospice workers said that they have never seen a more angry cruel cancer in all their 25 years as what happened to my wife........I am glad only because that she is not suffering anymore..but I am left feeling like I failed her as a husband...because I couldnt save her life.....I have always been into nutrition and followed all the latest amazon forest type of herb cures..vitamins ,minerals ,ect...and tried them all for her...She would take them but not the amount needed to get well...she also would like her occasional fountain coke with a hamburger and fries ,..ya know all of those comfort foods that give a suffering person with cancer a little pleasure in this life of struggle..I cant really blame her at all......But i knew if she didnt take her diet seriously enough along with the nutrition..that her chance of survival with this type of cancer would be slim to none......She did make it to the 6 year survivor mark for stage 3c cancer.....but her quality of life in the end was just terrible...........So now the home that we have lived together for the past 14 years..I awake to feeling like it is a empty shell...Everything now has absolutely no meaning to me anymore..she is gone and I am eternally lost without her....To know that I will never hold her in my arms and draw her body close to mine in loving embrace leaves me reeling in pain and lamentation daily...I scream alone in this empty house ..tears running down and crying out my wifes name over and over again..DEBBIE!!...DEBBIE!!..where are you!!.,..please come back to me my love!!!...What am I to do without you!!!....Its just terrible.........I do talk to family what is left..My wifes mom is still alive ,,I talk to her and my wifes ex husband from a previous marriage..(Believe it or not we are good friends) I talk to him also.....My wifes son from the previous marriage talks to me..but he has a wife and kids and is busy most of the time...His kids my wifes grandkids(now at age 13) we helped raise since they were very young..Me and wife took pride in loving and nurturing them threw the years..My wife just loved them both, ...When my wife got cancer..they seemed to not want to see her anymore as often and were actually afraid to be in her presence because of this disease,..maybe as kids they were just afraid..I dont know....Its just all sad because of rotten cancer...another thing that cancer has to take away and make more comlicated...This made me very sad for my wife because she just loved them so and yearned to be in their presence..........So now I am alone with all this grief...most of my family is dead including my mother who died of a drug overdose and my dad who died in 2007 from a long fight against prostate cancer.........so not many people to talk to...........All I see now is my wifes face in my mind....All I am left with is the memories of a life once lived....and as beautiful as it all was...and I know I was blessed all those years to have her....I am still left feeling cheated and swindled of a life that I could still be living if it all wasnt for this rotten ,filthy ,twisted,scourge of a disease......If there is a hell ,..I am living it now!!...............God help me through this pain and grief!!....It is killing me!!..and I am so sorry my sweet wife that I couldnt save your precious life!!...You were my best friend!!..and I will forever be your husband!!..I will forever be on that eternal search for you now and when I take my last breathe on this earth......searching for my wife..waiting to run to you and be reunited ....forever and a day in heaven...where their is no more pain,disease and suffering..........and for anybody here reading this....I feel so deeply for everybodys loss for their loved ones...I completely understand those feeling of despair.......I read all of your posts..Thankyou for sharing your deep feelings of sadness with me on this forum...It gives me some comfort to know that I am not completely alone in these experiences.............I am a christian and if it wasnt for the knowledge that I would have that hope that someday I will see my wife in heaven someday...I just dont know what I would do...............so please everybody hold on to what is eternal..This life is so fragile....and fleeting...we are born ,,we live a little and we die..and if we are lucky we make a few precious memories with those close and dear to us along the way....so please ...dont take a second for granted........and to my wife Deborah Denise Humpley..."I love you Forever and a Day"..."I am so very proud of you my love!!..you fought the good fight to the end my warrior pricess!!".."I could not of done any better!!"...Tell our son David Michael in heaven that I will see you both soon...my most cherished love..............Your husband ,Michael

Your story made me cry. I'm very sorry that your dear wife passed away and that she suffered so much. I'm also sorry for your suffering and loss. My father suffered a lot, but for just three weeks, and I suffered along with him. I can't even begin to imagine six years of illness, pain and sorrow. The flashbacks still haunt me, but then I try to think of how healthy and happy he is now, and about seeing him again one day with no more good-byes. When you remember the way your dear wife died, may your thoughts go to the beautiful way she lived! God bless you!

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Maybe joining a support group for people who have lost a loved one due to cancer would be a good way for you to find some support?

I'm so sorry, i've lost people so dear to me. but i'll like to recommend JESUS to you, He has helped me alot, He's the friend of a broken heart, He's a healer and restorer, He's a comforter.<br />
He'll surely see you through this though time