Help Me. Just Talk To Me. Anything Will Do.

Hello. I'm a 15 yr old girl. I have been cutting myself Since I was 11 or 12. It started when my Grandparents passed away. I have been to 20 funerals in the last 5 yrs. Now I can't stop hurting myself. Whenever I feel sad, I will bring a Razor to my wrist. Just having my parents get mad at me, I get so depressed I feel like cutting myself. I have been through so much. My mom I think she is Bipolar. She smokes Weed for her "pain." I don't even know if she has "pain." she Grows it in the back yard. She dropped out of high school in grade 10. so she doesn't have the education to get a job. She smokes about a pack of cigarettes a day. My dad works all the time, whenever he is home he is cranky and mean. My little brother who is 11, has spina bifida. Spina Bifida is a developmental congenital disorder caused by the incomplete closing of the embryonic neural tube. Some vertebrae overlying the spinal cord are not fully formed and remain unfused and open. If the opening is large enough, this allows a portion of the spinal cord to protrude through the opening in the bones. There may or may not be a fluid-filled sac surrounding the spinal cord. Other neural tube defects include anencephaly, a condition in which the portion of the neural tube that will become the cerebrum does not close, and encephalocele, which results when other parts of the brain remain unfused. He Can walk and talk one of the few cases in Canada. So we have to travel to children's hospital almost every month. Witch is hard on my schooling. You see Im not every smart I need a Learning ***. Block to help me. With out it I wouldn't pass. I ride Horses. I love horses!! I feel like they are the only ones that understand how much pain I am in. My one horse bolt. He was abused when we got him, I trained him, for 2 yrs. Now he is the worlds best kids pony!! Horses make my pain go away... Temporarily. I carry a razor with he every where I go. I can't Tell anyone. I am afraid too. You see I smoke pot too. I hate that I do. But I cant stop. :( I have a Pot and a Pain addiction.I need help and I have no one to talk too. I guess this is my plea for someone to help me. My first step I guess.
CowgurlLexi CowgurlLexi
13-15, F
4 Responses Jul 27, 2012

Ohhhh...sorry to hear that let's pick up a conversation,ok??<br />
So that I'll get to know u more:)

Ohhh...Seems like I can't add u:(
I can't view ur profile!
Plz consider adding me!

death is never an easy thing to deal with, I have had many family members and friends pass, and I have also put 6 of my military brothers and sisters in the ground as well. if you keep the feelings pent up inside they will tear you apart. talk to your parents about it or if your school has a guidence councelor talk to them. as they can help get you one on one help. smoking pot is something you turned to because of seeing your mom with it, and because she rationalizes it with helping pain your brain has done the same. in the long run it will ruin your memory both short and long term. start with finding someone you can talk to about the deaths because of the relations you had with them has left a void. feel free to message me if you'd like to talk.

think i understand how you feeling. You seem to have a good heart which you are trying to protect and grow with it in spite of all the things happening with you. You are 15. Can you hang on there few more? I think you will find a way yourself and be that way. Just whenever you are trying to cut yourself again think you are way more strong than to give up like this easy. Take care

hey babe..hope you are better now..your storys painful..but trust me there are ppl in this workd who are not as lucky as you...der are ppl who dont hv food to eat n shelter to live..am not saying your lifes very rosy...bt be grateful that you at least hv some things which are YOURS...1st thing is you have a family..you hv your horse..be thnkful for that..n then start working to make things better...socialise n you ll love your life...you need ppl to talk..jst ask it...there are millions like you n like me who are looking for someone to talk to..thers abundance of love if you try to look for it..<br />
So dont worry...things will get better..jst dont give up on life..its a beautiful gift you have..there are thousands fighting for more life in hospitals..you have it, dont waste it..<br />
Hope it helps...lemme knw if you wanna talk more..gold bless..:)