Torn Between Traditional Parents And Myself

We moved from China 12 years ago to Canada when I was 9. We grew up in rural countryside China where my parents did not continue school after first year of high school. I grew up here. I'd like to think that during your teen and young adult life when you are developing your own views and values is when you are doing the most of "growing up." As a result, it becomes increasingly hard for me to communicate with my parents aside from the everyday conversations.It is very hard for them to accept the things that seem normal to me. They always told me to not date in school, wait till I'm done university and then start looking. My problem is I don't exactly agree with that. In fact, I have the total opposite - I think that you should date many people and have many experiences to figure out what you want or don't want. I think experience is important to everything including relationships. Of course I could never tell them that. Whenever I would share some of my opinions (which most would agree with me in Canada) they would immediately shoot me down. Eventually I learned it is futile to change their thinking when they have absolutly no desire to incorporate some of the values of the society that we lived in for over a decade. Even with that, I disobeyed and dated through high school and now university. Always a secret of course. I started dating my second boyfriend this past March and he is Philipino. Knowing fully we would not have a good ending I dated him anyway because he was genuinely a nice guy who always put in effort to cheer me up, support me when I'm stressed about school, stayed up with me when I'm writing essays and even pull all nighters with me even though he had class the next morning (and had to leave at 6-7 for school). Yesterday, he was over in my room and my dad came home from work early. I got so scared and I panicked and hid him in my closet - my dad found him of course and after yelling and telling him to go home, there were lots of crying and attempts at communication between my father and I. I'm not sure where things stand now but he hasn"t told my mom yet. Please tell me I'm not the only person with something so embarrassing like this.
Veryembarassed Veryembarassed
1 Response Dec 15, 2012

You are definitely not alone on that one. The situation you're in sucks, and will probably get a bit worse before it gets better, but one way or another, it will get better. You sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders, barring moments of panic, and that should get you through this. Sorry I can't offer much more than that, and I wish I could be more helpful.