Something's Wrong With Me

Hi! I dont know where to begin. Basically i have been depressed for 2-3 years now with constant anxiety. It all has to do with my future. Guys i have been kicked outa school this year because of my bad grade. I have lied to every1 about still going to
School including my girlfriend. I am so lost that i actually feel like NOONE on this planet, with 7 billion
People, understands me. Iv been lying constantly and with every lie i say, i feel pain. Im afraid of disappointmenting people so much that i have to lie to make them happy. And i know how wrong this is but i just cant stop...i hate hurting people. So anyways in this 6 months of being oit of school i haven't got a job so i basically been in my room playong video games all day feelong like ****. Oh and another thing, im addicted to pot. I use pot as a way of sleeping cuz of the anxiety thats been keeping me up at night. But i also have been doing it during the day which has gotten me lazy and more of a "dont give a ****" attitude. My family is awsome and i know how much they care and i know i have so many opportunities but it just feels like i like NOTHING! I cant find a major i like or any job i like. I just feel so lost and confused that im stuck. All alone. My girlfriend is in pharmacy and everyone is doing so good but me. Im the only pathetic loser thas ganna be homeless on yhe streets. Kicked outa university cuz of grades and no place to go. Sometimes i feel like whats the point to this life. Now i understand why my best friend andrew took own life. This is the first time i am telling mystory to anyone and i know jt seems like a little problem compared to most issues here but im still hurting so much to the point of having suicidal thoughts. And i would never want to hurt my friends and family by doing tht. Im stuck. Im sorry this is so long. Thanks for listening
Nirve Nirve
Jan 12, 2013