I just realized (well not just) but i realized that in order for me to be able to progress in life, i must learn to let go of the things that tear me apart inside. All the traumatic things I've experienced should not be forgotten, but stored away the back of my brain. Almost every morning i wake up, i beat my self up with negative thoughts about the things in my past that i wish i could forgive myself for and just forget. I am getting alot better with this and can now recognize when the negative thoughts are coming so i can ZAP! them out. I'm such an amazing person I don't know why i do it to myself. But I'm glad i have learned this about myself. That way i don't get to 50 and am still a borderline depressive. Life is chaotic for anyone at any walk of life, we just need to learn to take a breath and ignore the little things that tend to eat away at our character.