Good Thing I Don't Own a Gun!

I'm ready to shoot myself, I really, really am!

I just mildly sprained my left ankle 16th March, now...I just slipped on the kitchen floor this morning, and either badly sprained or broke my right foot.

I hate myself!

I was supposed to apply for an assembly line job today! (even tho' it's the one job I hate the most in the entire planet--even worst than cleaning loos), I have to walk to blinking work! I have to cart laundry, garbage cans and groceries up and down two flights of stairs!

How the hell am I going to cope with this crap???

I'm done.

Life has steamrolled me for that last time. I don't know when or how...or if..I am going to to do it--but I have to, don't I? Sooner or later, I'm just going to have to quit this life. There's no choice, is there? It's never going to stop...it's never ever going to stop!

I am just so tired of living...and I don't give a **** anymore. Why should I? No one will miss me, no one needs me, no one gives a flying fig whether I'm here or not. I'm not contriibuting anything to society, I' ve no mates to speak of, around here. Never even met my best mates--so, who cares? I'm done. I quit. I'm not doing it yet--but I'd be lying if I said that death wasn't looking pretty good to me, right now---an end. A final solution to this contstant hardship, pain and loneliness. Done. That's all I want. **** my dreams--who needs them? I'm never going to be a writer--or anything else I ever wanted to do...I'm never going to have a guy in my life, or a family,  or a group of friends to hang with, I can't even have a hobby, any more. So, what the hell's the point?
whovian whovian
46-50, F
2 Responses Mar 30, 2007

Nothing is wrong with you. I care what happens to you. You just need help. I had some of the same thoughts as you did. You can have a hobby. Art is a grat way to express yourself. Either drawing, painting, playing an instrument, going to the petting zoo to play with the animals, creating things, ect. You don't have to be good at any of those stuff. You just need to enjoy doing it. You can become a writer if you want to. You don't need to be good. You have fun doing it and get feed back then you get better and better and after that you may one day make it a job. Just don't expect things to come right away. It should start out as something you enjoy doing. And who gives a rats *** if you aren't contributing to society at the moment. There are so many who aren't either and they are fine. Take care. I hope things get better for you.

Life sucks...I know that all to well. You will be able to pull through it. I find there is a reason in everything that has happened in my life. I'm afraid that if some of the things in my life didn't happen, then I wouldn't have the love that I have now. My life wouldn't be worth living if it wasn't for her. So just don't give up hun. You'll find some reason for it all. But until then you can always come here and rant!