Oh Pain and Misery!

What the hell am I going to to?

Just will have to tough it out, I suppose. But God, it hurts so incredibly bad! Just the simple act of going through the kitchen to get to the ol' loo, is agony--no exaggeration.

I live on the frickin' 2nd floor---two flights of stairs, and the front porch of my apartment building--the steps are home made, and built really wide, and are unevenly spaced (leave it to a man... )

I am just about out of clean clothes--I mean as in totally--I was planning on catching up to my laundry this weekend. I'm virtually out of tinned cat food, and beverages and need kitty litter, besides. I've enough food to last about three or four days...but cooking's....I dunno'

The kitchen table collapsed two week's ago---all the leg screws apparently never completed the move in here, back in November. I usually sit and eat in front of the computer, since that happened--but now, just have to sit in a chair in front of the counter by the 'fridge, and eat. It's hell. Pure and simple. How the hell am I going to cook a meal? The flippin' stove's way on the other side of the room, away from any counter tops, and way across from the fridge.

How the hell am I going to manage getting the laundry in and out? Shop and bring home groceries, with two crutches and excruciating pain???

My sole income is now my part-time job...and I'm having my hours drastically cut, next week, so that means, to survive, I will have to work 7 days a week, again. And cab fare to and from work (I usually just walk) is 6 dollars a day!

I can't afford my pain prescriptions--let alone the cab fare to the pharmacy, which is 12.00 dollars round trip--and the cost of the meds, themselves--providing I can even find my pharmacy card--it came in the mail the day before I moved--no clue where I put it.

I can't afford the cab fare to the othapedists, or anything. And people wonder why I'm feeling borderline suicidal, today? I've no one. No one at all, to help me. Even the simple act of moving my body when I'm lying down, is sheer agony.

Thankfully, they don't think the foot's broken---but it's about as bad a sprain as it can get--and I've ripped the hell out of a tendon or ligament, they think. the foot's swollen to more than twice its normal size, and badly bruised, to boot.

They gave me a special shoe (which I traditionally call a "frankenshoe"), and a pair of crutches.

I HAVE to work tomorrow! I've already lost half a day's pay, today, and an hour's pay, yesterday. I was going to make yesterday's loss up, today, but now that's out.

My life truly is untenable. I'm so incredibly in debt, I'm never going to get out--never. Never. Never.

I'm scared, pardon the expression, shitless. I'm alone. I'm in pain inside, and now in horrible pain outside. And I only have the cats for company.

I...I just don't see how anything will ever get better. No good will come to me, in this life. It's just so...untenable.

And all this today, because the friggin' landlord sent a notice Wednesday night, stating that he was showing the apartment--and I'd not washed or Hoovered the floors in nearly two weeks---so I ran around this morning--I was too busy Thursday night---and damp mopped the kitchen floor--and promptly took a header.

**** this. **** life. What's the blinking point of it all?
whovian whovian
46-50, F
1 Response Mar 30, 2007

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Sorry but these may be a long shot. Just trying to help. Here to talk if you want.