I Am So Negative

This guy is great for me. He is the exact type of guy I want, and he is really great to me. And we are still in the stage where we are super close but I do not know if we are "official." My mindset is just horrible, tho. The negative experiences of my past keep bubbling up, and I am waiting for something to happen and this will be over. I try to stop myself from thinking this way but it's hard. He has done nothing to suggest he is not into me, but I keep looking for signs of it. I am not trying to sabotage this: I have not started fights or anything stupid like that with him.. but still I'm just kind of freaking out in my head all the time without anyone knowing.. except you haha. I do like him and do not want to screw it up.. and when I think about it I do not think I ever really screwed up anything in my past in regard to dating, it was always the guy haha! I have to try and think positively.. he has no reason to not like me. Situations such as this really bring out how horrible my self-esteem is.. I know I haven't done anything "wrong," but I feel like why would he stay? I feel like at any minute he could leave me for no reason whatsoever.. and this is because my 1st boyfriend I wasted 5 years on did this to me. He would disappear without a trace for months, and then come back into my life.. tell me I did nothing wrong it was all him, bla bla bla, and for 5 years I always took him back. I guess junk w/ this old boyfriend is still in my head, I have to try and stop it and realize not everyone will be like him.

UnderneathThaStarz UnderneathThaStarz
22-25
3 Responses Feb 26, 2010

you guys are still trying to feel each other out at this point, I know how it feels because I just got in a new relationship and we were in the same stage you guys are. When we felt the moment was right we just had a deep conversation about moving it forward and what are hopes were for the relationship. He was so pleased to claim me. I understand you because sometimes I still find myself asking him if "we're okay?" and I am so analytical that I try to pick up on every mood and every word. Just enjoy the moment and bask in each other's presence for however long it lasts. Getting out of your own head and letting the relationship take its natural course will get you the farthest. If it is meant to be, it will be and it won't feel forced or pressured. You wont even realize that it's happening actually until you are officially an item. lol Just come to realize that every guy is not the same and that you've learned from your past experience. You have a choice too, in what type of guy you choose and will not choose, to have in your life. Give yourself back some of the power and control. You have just as much say over the relationship as he does and trust that if he hasn't mistreated you and continues to stick around, things must be going well and that he admires you for the person you are. no worries!

I think it's normal to be like this - especially after what your ex put you through. As long as you remember to keep the freaking out within yourself I think the two of you will sail smooth :)<br />
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Or perhaps you will find a good time to mention this to him - when the right time and opportunity arise, you'll know.<br />
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In the meantime, congratulations! Not easy finding someone you really, really like! Enjoy it, Joanie!!!

I do this too. I think I tell him if he wants to run away I would understand because I am so weird or undeserving of love. I sabotage myself sometimes.