Benefits...

Backstory: I started working with him about 2 and a half years ago. After a few months working together, he and I started to become closer. I began to really like him, and I told him, but I knew he liked another girl who worked with us.  After I told him I liked him, he became more flirty with me. Some things happened between us, but then he said we should stop and about a month later he asked out the girl that we worked with, so they started going out.

I eventually got over it and had another boyfriend. Meanwhile, he dumped the girl we worked with after 5 months and a few months after that he got back with his ex. They moved in together. During this time we didn't talk much and only saw each other at work. Then halfway through last year the place we worked at closed down. Just after that, he and his girlfriend broke up and he moved back home (which is in the same street I live in). This all happened around the same time my boyfriend moved halfway across the world, permanently.

So he started talking to me again and he said a few times that I should come over, we could have some fun. I said no the first few times but eventually I was feeling lonely and abandoned by my boyfriend, so I went over. I think I never actually got over him, which is why I wanted to go and see him. It became a kind of regular thing since then.

Now: We are friends with benefits. I told him I had feelings for him, but he said he didn't have feelings for anyone and wanted to keep it that way, so I know that we'll never be more than friends with benefits, but I really care about him and I have such strong feelings for him. He's clouding up my mind. I hardly even think about my boyfriend who has been living in another country for 9 months now.

I know that I should stop seeing him but I really don't want to. I love him... or am at least infatuated. I'm always happy when he talks to me or messages me, and I love seeing him, but it makes me so depressed when I think about the fact that he doesn't have feelings for me. Because he's obviously just using me then.

unrequitedz unrequitedz
18-21, F
Mar 1, 2010