Introversion And Me: I Watch Life Through A Clouded Window

Childhood is easy. Your mum packs you a lunch box, you toddle off to school, learn the ABC's and 123's, come home and spend the evening playing hide and seek with your friends outside your house. Adulthood is not as straightforward. I've just turned 22, pretty fresh out of University, and my life just seems to be going nowhere. I'm stuck in a dead-end boring job, I've got barely enough money to buy anything of value, and I have fewer friends than I'd like.
When University first started, I went in not expecting to make tons of friends, due heavily to the fact that I am what people call 'highly introverted'. There were some at Uni who considered me to be rude because I didn't get involved in social activities. Not to sound nerdy, but an enjoyable night for me is sitting in front of my PS3 or enjoying a DVD marathon... alone.
Anyway, I made a couple of friends, and then a couple more, and found myself at the center of two different social groups. Not a bad result, except I hate being at the center of anything- mostly because when push comes to shove, it's always the person at the center of everything that stands to get hurt the most. In my second year of University, I moved into student accommodation with three of the friends I made, and later a fourth joined us. Roughly two months into the year, the person I considered my 'best' friend at the time, decided she no longer wanted to be my friend. To this day I don't understand what happened, one day we were fine, and the next day the world crumbled under my feet. She managed to turn another of our house-mates against me, and then another, until I found myself alone, day and night, for an entire year- now that's a very lonely year!
I know I said I was highly introverted, which I am, but that doesn't mean I don't like company from time to time. Anyway, I had other friends (remember the second social group I mentioned), and they became my 'full-time' friends. There was only one problem, they are highly extroverted. We just didn't gel, I was fine when it was one-on-one, but in a group I just crumbled and fell back into the shadows of anonymity.
It escalated to a point where they started making fun of me because I was different, and I realised they weren't such good friends after all. We had a bit of a falling out, and I've just recently realised that one of them has deleted me as a friend on Facebook, which I'm sure you'll agree in this day and age is a pretty hefty hint about someones feelings towards you.
And now I'm pretty much alone, stuck in a lousy job I hate- mainly because it involves a lot of social interaction- spending my nights lying in my bedroom watching TV, while the 'normal' people drink the night away in the various night clubs our once great city has to offer. So I guess what I'm saying is; "I just want one best friend who is there for me..."

Sorry if this seemed a bit long-winded, I studied Creative Writing at Uni and once I start writing, I find it hard to stop :)

UnrealNova UnrealNova
22-25, M
2 Responses Feb 1, 2013

PM me if you are interested into a friendship with me.

I've been surrounded in people who don't really care about me, they just want me around in case they need me, for example if they don't want to be say on their own during lunch time. Also I fell into the trap of buying this group of friends (7) christmas presents and birthday not realising that actually they didn't appreciate the gifts and although you shouldn't give to receive now of them bothered to do the same for me or anyone else in the group. I just want a friend who completely understands the fact that I do like to be to be left to my thoughts sometimes but I still need company, Someone who likes me for my proclivity on the area of weirdness and ruining the mood when something is humorous :) although I'm surrounded with people I feel completely and utterly alone with the thoughts and feelings that I need to just talk to someone about to get off my chest.