The Struggle To "Fit In"

I try so very hard to be normal, I've always stuck out in a crowd, always been the pathetic ugly one. There is a reason I can never keep friends, I am an incredibly horrid, fat, person.

Because of my desire to fit in I have been suicidal, self-harming, self-starving, delusional, paranoid, and insanely anxious. I can never get through a day without cutting myself to let go of all my pent up emotions. My feelings of unworthiness.

I have always been terrible, never fit in. I have always been a whiny, annoying, chubby, tom-boy, child.

I TRY SO HARD! I feel so depressed. I just want to be normal, whatever that means. I want to be a normal person, in a normal house, with a ******* normal family. I want to be happy for **** sake.

I isolate myself so that others don't have to deal with me, and so that I don't have to face the inevitable rejection of my normal, happy, friends. I feel dead.
LiquidGuilt LiquidGuilt
18-21, F
1 Response Aug 4, 2010

I'm sorry you feel so unhappy, I totally relate to how you are feeling, I wish I could offer you some advice about living with yourself when you feel this way but to be honest it's just each day as it comes and holding on to the hope that maybe one day you won't feel like this anymore. Good luck x