Can I Just Stop Time For Awhile?

I just want to get off the ******* train. I want to stop time for awhile and just get clear. clear my head. clear the clutter that seems to collecting in every empty space in my house. get caught up. caught up with my checking account reconciliations. caught up with my taxes. caught up with my filing. caught up with my sleep.

i'm tired, but i don't want to go to sleep because i know that another morning, another day will be here that much sooner. some how staying awake seems to keep it at bay. and with another day comes more to do, and more that i haven't done thus placing me further behind, burying me deeper in the miasma of paper and clutter.

most days i do greet the day with optimism. its a new day! another opportunity to get it done, to get caught up, to be a beacon of light in the world. but this week i'm PMS'ing. and it's sooooo bad. i'm so irritable, i feel like i'm losing my mind. today i just sat in my car and held my head, because i felt like it was going to burst. not with pain, but with... GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!! I just wanted to SCREAM!!

i feel better when i exercise. or when i visit a friend in need. but then i come home and see the chaos and clutter in my own house and feel like **** again.

and the worst part is feeling like no body can make it better. i mean, i talk to girlfriends and they commiserate and relate and cry with me. but i want more that empathy, i want real solutions. how do i get rid of the clutter? how do i sort through years of **** and get it the **** out? how do i let go of the emotional attachment to letters and photos that i never look at and that are just taking up space? how do i decide which books to keep and which to give away? and when, when, when do i find the time? and who will sit and keep me company while i sort through it all? and what do i do about the family and friends who will get all bent out of shape that i need to put everything else on hold until i can clean it all out? no, i don't want to talk on the phone, or watch a movie, or go to a party. I want to clear out the ****. i want to clear my space. i want to clean my slate.

pArpAdeA pArpAdeA
46-50
Mar 6, 2009