I Choose The Life. I Did"nt Choose........

I choose the life. I did"nt choose and I have to live the life I didn"t plan. If you have "Love" you will do all things well.... I know we have love, "But" if we begin eachday in small simple steps to create a world in which there is more "Kindness" Peace and Love for ourselves. I feel that if my "Husband" practiced "Loving" "Kindness" to me... maybe the care of my healing will start to happen some... No matter how I will arrange my "Husband" to do for me it is equally impossible in the furture. I am feeling so disatisified and disappointed in spite of my best efforts and then we land up fighting..Im so tired of fighting and locking myself in my room. I do need my "Husband" in my Life my body and my Heart. I think that I would benefit from a moment of "His" "Loving" "Kindness" for once. At one time believe it or not he did show me "His""Loving "Kindness" "BUT"...that stopped! I get No acts of love. I don"t even get small gesters that require little effort....A touch on my shoulder a word of appreciation "A" cup of cocoa. It could be so simple, so easy to make..Be more loving in that instant. They say that "Loving" "Kindness" is the most Powerful" healing and is always available to us in this very moment. "How" much longer can I wait. How much longer can I afford to wait.I always and still do have a hard time loving myself because of my looks.."But" since Iv"e been sick, Iv"e been looking at my life and learning more kind and loving towards myself....Anto815
Anto815 Anto815
46-50, F
5 Responses Aug 1, 2010

Dear Kathy, Thankyou so much for the kind words im just sorry it has taken so long in writting back. Please if you would like look me up so we can be friends and maybe chat sometime. I hope you say yes because you seem to be the friend I need.Hope to hear from you soon.

Dear Anto815,<br />
I'm sorry you're depressed today. I to battle with that and so often people do not understand what it is, how it can consume us. That is unless they deal with as well. You just take care of you and work on loving yourself (difficult for me also). But I do know that healing takes time and patience. When you begin to love yourself, people around you will warm up and love you to. Its body language. Most of all, don't be hard on yourself, as I can tell you have a warm, kind heart and people around you are lucky to have you in their life. Take gentle care, Kathy

TO ALL MY FRIENDS.....I JUST NEED TO START BY THANKING EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU FOR YOU VERY KIND WORDS IT MEANS SO VERY MUCH TO ME..I JUST ALSO NEED TO THANK YOU ALL FOR TAKING THE TIME OUT IN READING MY STORY...I'M JUST SORRY IT'S TAKING SO LONG TO REPLY. THANKYOU ALL AGAIN FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.....

Dear Anto815<br />
<br />
We think it is other people's responsibilty to make us happy but it isn't - it is our own. Maybe, your husband is incapable of loving and showing affection for you - or anyone in general - but having as low self esteem as you have doesn't exactly attract what you need either. It's a bad circle but you CAN break out of it. What fears hold you back from getting the life you want? Believe me, looks are not the determining factor to how happy we are in life and people of all looks have happy marriages. It is about how much we love ourselves - and the way we carry ourselves. This is also what real men are attracted to; your charisma and not how pretty your face is or how slender you are. You probably can't change your husband a lot - and you shouldn't count on it - but you can work on liking yourself more and there is always something to like because God created us all as wonderful and unique beings and I can't think he made a mistake in your case :-) Maybe, you should start doing something good for yourself every day, just a small thing to being with. Just because the people in your near surroundings don't have the capacity to show you love and affection, it doesn't mean you have to follow their example, does it?! We all have a rebel, a warrior and a goddess inside. Maybe, it is time you call on her to help you find/regain your own power and self love. I wish you all the best <3

I hope things turn around for you. This is a very sad post. I'm sorry.you're going through this