Happy ******* Ending

I'm gonna be brutally honest from the very beginning. I love women, and I love sex. i'm a serial monogamist and i love it. i do not lack respect toward any woman whatsoever. although some of them think that they have me all figured out just after having me utter two or three sentences about my personal life. i find that very stupid. the point being a couple of months ago i was diagnosed with an STD. my life was put on hold, my social and academic life did not matter as much anymore because my virility and confidence reached a new low. i used to walk with my head held high but not in a snobbish way no, nor was it arrogance, just confidence and comfort in my own skin. and now i'm a walking disease prone to infecting all women who are close to me sexually. and it is killing me. i'm not the man i used to be. i've changed. i am an empty shell. What's funny is that i don't know who gave me the disease. so here i am, a plague walking among the healthy and happy, putting up fake smiles and shallow laughs to people who have no idea how lucky they are to be healthy. i shut myself off from everyone. I've been drowning myself in alcohol, drugs galore... in hope of filling up this void that was once an essential par in my life. this may seem like a cliche, but everything is better when you're not sober. don't lie and try to convince yourself that you wouldn't go down that road, that you're stronger than that. but the truth is you're not. you want to forget what bullshit your sinking in, you want to forget that your sex life doesn't exist anymore, you want to forget the fear of getting close to someone and knowing that if you take a step further in your relationship you'll infect her for the rest of her miserable life. that's why i drink and take drugs. because from where i'm sitting, there's no such thing as a happy ******* ending. 
Marcus117 Marcus117
18-21
May 6, 2012