I'm Screaming On The Inside! A Sad Girl On The Outside.

I'm so tired of being the one to hold things together.  I'm tired of being the one who is taken advantage of.  The last straw was my boyfriend who had my entire heart and soul but turned out to be a sociopath.  I don't trust anyone anymore, I double check all the locks on the doors, I have panic attacks.  I've always seen myself as ugly as I've had very low self-esteem.  I suffer from many losses and abandonment issues.  My boyfriend took a giant dump on all of my issues I've been working so hard on.  I've taken like a thousand steps back and ODd and even I can't do that right cuz I'm sitting here now.  I just want to scream to the world to leave me alone!!!  Be kind to me as I have to you or don't bother with me.  Stop hurting me already...I've had enough. :'(
gtrgrl76 gtrgrl76
36-40, F
3 Responses May 15, 2012

If you want to scream the best thing to do is scream in your pillow as hard as you possible can and write a letter you will never send to anyone. In that letter you can write anything you want , you can talk trash, rant about how horrible people are, etc. After that rip the letter up (or delete it, if wrote it digitally), then go out and treat your self to some ice cream or go shopping or what ever you like to do and take your mind off of things. The world isn't hurting you people are, you should try to get away from those kind of people, or confront them. BUT only confront them when your ready and confident. =) remember that every thing will be fine, all you need to do is heal and regain confidantes. The most important thing right now is you, do what ever makes you happy.

Thank you so much. What twisted the knife deeper was finding out he got his new gf pregnant as soon as I was put on a plane to come home from visiting him and his kids. I was getting ready to move my entire life to be with them. I'm so frustrated that I'm the one in therapy and taking tons of meds to repair the damage done by him. He didn't have to choose to be a **** to me and con me out of my life for 3 years. I consider myself a very bright individual and I managed to let him slip through my fingers. I hate him and I hate myself.

I'm so sorry for your pain. Its very difficult putting on a happy face when you feel like your dying inside. We may not know each other but my heart goes out to you and if you ever want to chat don't hesitate to send me a message. My prayers are with you. Stay strong and holdfast, there is always peace after a storm