Life in highschool

I'm a sophmore in highschool who wants to be a US Marine. I've gone throught a lot, and recently it's gotten bad. I've done marijuana a little in the past month, I got extremely angry and vented on facebook and now I'm in legal trouble and school trouble. I've broken my wrist and my mother is in the hospital. My father having no clue with finances and everything, we're bound to fall apart at home without my mother. Only to include my mom could loose her foot. My father takes 30+ medications a day just to stay alive and so does my mom. My mom is 57 and father is 54 while I am 16. I'm a fighter, and I love fighting and live to fight, I've wanted to be a US Marine for a long time but haven't been a good example of a future one and trying to better myself. I've attempted suicide 3 times in the past year. I'm just overall sick and tired of it all. The past 3-4 years I've helped all my friends, prevented suicide, was there for everyone. I protect all of my friends and family. I'm a good person. But because of one mess up after doing so good for years (in elementry I had a rough time due to ADHD and being special ed) I am now in jeporady. I want to give in and let go but I don't, and I have no clue why I don't. Usually I'm the one telling my friends to stay strong and everything and to hold on, never let go, never bow down, and never accept defeat. But here I am, this strong tall fighter who protects all he cares and loves. Loves fighting and all this other stuff, and I'm here wanting to break. I need something to help me out. I was raised christian and have tried jesus and god, yes they do help, but I need something more, I feel as if I'm going to break and lose it all. All my friends are trying there best and everything, but Idk, I need some where to talk, vent, and everything else without being in trouble for it. So much stress, and than having bed bugs doesn't help.... What does one do? Why haven't I broken? Why do I continue to fight? Someone, anyone who knows what I'm going through. My whole life I've had such an anger problem, and I've learned to control it, but recently it's broken through, so I upped my medicene and it is working, but this anger...I feel as if I'm the only one in the world, who can feel, experiance, handle such horrible anger....When I am at the point of rage, which to me is as angry as I can get...I'm just, I could care less who I am, what I do, I have to destroy, what caused this rage. I have to wipe out it's exsistance. I have learned to control it, but I'm breaking, and I need help. Just someone out there who cares...I know people who care but...I need someone to talk to....I've never had anyone to talk to, but I'm the one everyone comes to, to talk to and when ther ein need of help... I need someone to talk to as well...That's all I need...
JonYri888 JonYri888
18-21
Dec 5, 2012