My Life

I feel so unsatisfied with my life and no matter how much I try to change it, it never seems to work. I'm constantly worried and terrified of something going wrong. When I have a little extra money I'm afraid to spend it for fear I'll need it and then if I do spend it I end up needing it and the cycle keeps going. I tried going back to school and couldn't afford to keep it up so I had to stop. I've started a side business that even when I do make a little money at it, all of it goes somewhere else. My health problems seem to be piling on top of each other and if I try to correct one another one springs up. I have a fiance who I'm trying to emotionally and financially supportive because the economy is so worthless and because we have an 'unconventional' relationship as so many people have put it, I spend much of my time hearing people's judgements and trying to deflect them. And because of all this stress I feel like I've forgotten how to love properly because it seems like everything I say or do is wrong and ends up hurting the one person I love most in this world. I try so hard to be strong and happy and pretend like everything's OK when its not. My insides feel like they're tearing each other apart and my heart feels so heavy.

I'm just so tired and I want everything to be OK.