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All I Want Is Someone Who Wants To Understand Me!

I have been married for 4yrs now and been together for 5, (don’t judge me)! We have two kids and well everything else is great, BUT yes the big but, we cannot get along!

He has cheated on me probly more times then I no about promises he will stop!! Things seem like he has, but I just cannot get to the point where I trust him. I think I have to much hope in me and well I very dumb to believe him!? I no he will never change until we are probly 60yrs old and his **** no longer works!!

There is not a week that goes by that we don’t argue and I am so sick of it!

When I think bout how happy I could have been if I had never meet him and stuck with my previous boyfriend, he is so sweet and so loving – but I decided to get married to this piece of ****!!

When will he realise we could have a great marriage if he would stop his crap! Why marry someone and then make there live hell, he asked me to marry him – or did he asked hoping I would say no?!?!?!?

Any opinions appreciated!!

Really emotional and angry

sopainfull sopainfull 22-25, F 6 Responses Apr 15, 2010

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I'm so sorry, i really understand. I was once a promiscous fellow, but to God be the Glory, I am a transfomed person. Believe me Jesus Christ has the power to transform a vile, wicked and evil man to a Godly , loving and caring saint. Believe me, He did it for me and its over ten years since i Confessed ,forsook and accepted him as my Lord and Personal Saviour.<br />
I was convicted of my evil, promiscous and really wicked way while reading his word, i asked Him for mercy and told him to give me grace to be a truly Lovely and Godly man. Truly he gave me the grace to overcome my sinful indulgence and now over ten years i still haven't gone back. He can change your husband and give you a lovely home.He can make you what he wants you to be.<br />
Give him a chance in your Life and family and lets see whether he wont be true as he has said.

Sorry I took so long to reply, studies are keeping me quit busy!<br />
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Funny enough that is what we just fought about and continue to. We don’t connect but tonight he wants some I got tired of saying so now I say I am tired, asked him how earth he expects us to connect in the bedroom if we cannot even have a conversation? How can I even try to imagine growing old with some I can’t share my life with?<br />
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Well I have decided to seek advice, legal advice on divorce, so far things look good! I don’t even have that whole I hate you, you will not see you kids spiteful rubbish in me. I think (think been the key word) I have made peace with the fact that someone else was and is meant to make him happy I can’t!! <br />
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I really thank you for you advice, it like hearing what I need to hear from a man’s point of view!

His behavior is obvious....when you mention divorce he becomes sweet and loving, he is afraid. Although he will not admit it, but he suffers from the same thing you do, you both see the road ahead and life without the other and it will be hard. You are comfortable with you situation, perhaps not in a good way, but it has become routine for you, it is all you both have known for 4 years. Change is hard, there is no doubt. But this is where I said you must trust yourself, trust yourself to make it on your own. If he trusted himself to do the same, he would not be afraid, he would change once and for all. But instead, his immature self deals with the situation (perhaps the only part of him that knows how) and he deals with it by being nice to you. To win favor, to gain trust. But actions speak louder than words, and it takes TIME to see that those action remain intact, and that his actions are good and true. But I do not think he is capable of this thought, he needs to grow up. He may love you from an adolescent point of view, this is probably the case due to his behavior. He wants you, and wants no one else to have you. He is probably a jealous person sometimes. This is not healthy love. True love comes from sharing life, sharing a passion with another. Growing old together while sharing a common passion, in and out of the bedroom. In fact, OUT of the bedroom should come first. If you have no passion outside of the bedroom, then what is there to be passionate about together? Good luck.

Thank you for the comment, oh it is such a relief to have the opinion of someone who is not part of the situation, what I mean by this is my friends and family are very nosy what to be involved and ready to pick up there weapons at anytime!! Thank you<br />
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Very true I no dwelling on this especially this just infuriates me more, I do believe he enjoys it when I am mad at him. <br />
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Believe it or not I have played the divorce scenario over and over in my mind call the lawyers, I have no idea what I am waiting for??!? The last fight we had I really could kick myself because I have been here before same issues, he even tells me more times then I can count he doesn’t care I can do and say what I want he doesn’t care, but as soon I mention divorce proceedings he goes crazy, do what you want but don’t leave?!?!?! What – he really confuses me, a week later I will notice he sweet, helpful and then he starts all over again! <br />
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I often asked myself whether he maybe does love me just that he is easily tempted or something like that!? <br />
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Oh its great to have someone to talk and just be open with, thank you

Also, you said you are angry and emotional. This may be a bit 'deep', but remember that you are your brain. You control your brain. You must convince yourself that you do NOT need to feel this way. You can feel any way you choose. Do not dwell on the subject. Keep your mind focused on other things. For me, it helps to type things out, keep an online journal on your desktop. It will help just to get things out of your head. And remember this, when we are angry with someone, our anger is a reflection of their actions towards us. This means that they are controlling our behavior. We are reacting to their actions. So, do you really want to be angry? Do you really want to give this piece of crap the power to control how you feel? I doubt it. Enough is enough, take a deep breath, close your eyes, and tell yourself that you will not let him control how you feel. Again, this is where you must learn to trust yourself. When those moments of anger strike, be mindful of the way you feel. Our emotions tell us what we are thinking, and if you are angry again, trust yourself to 'catch it' before you start to give yourself excuses to remain angry. Although they may be justified excuses, why bother? Haven't you suffered enough? So trust yourself to know when the mental shift happens and realize what is happening 'in the moment'. Stay in the 'here and now', do not dwell. Again, good luck.

I speak form experience when I offer this advice. The first and most important thing you MUST come to trust, is you. You must trust yourself to make it without him. Although you may think life will be a mess, you must realize that you do not 'need' him in your life. After you have honestly and truly accepted that you can move on without him, you will be empowered with the gift of ridding yourself of all the confusion and uncertainty. I know it is scary, but once you believe in your own ability to move on, trust me, the fear subsides. The next step is 'getting all your ducks in a row', so to speak. Prepare yourself to make it a reality. You do not need to make him aware of it either. Do not throw it in his face, you may be tempted, but don't throw empty threats around. That is just pointless and immature. Anyway, do not be afraid, there is no harm in 'preparing' for a divorce, it does not mean you have to go through with it. So talk to your parents or someone you can count on, and set up a place to go when you decide to leave. Call a lawyer to get ideas on cost and custody of your children. Gather evidence that may hurt his case if he decides to be a ***** and fight you for custody. Drinking habits, drugs, etc... <br />
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I guarantee that the simple act of preparing, will give you some relief in itself, because, you are doing something about your situation instead of suffering by seeing 'no light at the end of the tunnel'. Good luck!