So With That Out Of The Way.

I am an incredibly sweet person. This has often been my biggest downfall. Yet people do not realize that while this is true about me I am not easy to predict and I am erratic and will often surprise you by doing things no one would expect. See I'm all about defying the material plane in favor of the spiritual once and overcomnig carnal desires like lust and finding something ELSE to value in a woman for instance but the way she looks.

I'm a fiercely intelligent person who's madness is scattered all over EP. All over the place. I'm never easy to map and i've beome a mystery onto myself even with ALL of the self awareness I have I Think that I have myself so figured out but the truth is the more I know about myself the more questions I'm left with.

I start with the premise "know yourself" but the truth is that That is a quest I can tell you a million things about but I still surprise MYSELF all the time

I am a feminist, I am a downright psychotically enraged feminist who won't even WAIT for you to say it's OK to scream about something to react to it. I'm an anarchist as well but not the way you think, I'm a libertarian Socialist and in essence that means I place my faith in, you, my dear reader. the masses, to govern themselves. This stems from my childhood and the things I witnessed BEFORE I started to think of girls as pretty. They filled my head with stories and tales and so many things that made obvious to me women were more than a body. So I don't even wait, I am more than happy to get out in front nad scream at someone like Paul Elam.

All these feelings circle inside me But at the end of the day you should SEE some of the girls I've had insanely deep connections with. You'd call me a liar by INSTINCT because these girls are intensely beautiful but it's not why I connected with them in the first place... But I am an idealist, I'm such an idealistic person that I don't make apologies for it or defend my position anymore.

I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'd rather talk to you about how much I like you, or the fandoms we have in common, or how much the boys in your life suck. You'd think I would be chasing after Angry Anarca-feminst like myself but in reality the connections I make are far less complicated.

When I say I surprise myself I mean sometimes I feel that the further I run to shun the material plan towards the spiritual the further I get emeshed in the material plane itself and seeing something in it that is MORE than meets the eye.

I ran on my spiritual journey as far as I could from christianity and only to end up A Hari Krishna Fan and  When I Think about Krishna vs christ I'm not sure how the hell it's all that different and yet it is.

it means the world to me to see the divine within myself and yet realize that that divine is within EVERYONE.

I appear to want to connect so badly I'll never let go of anyone but I just stepped out on two separate major issues back in october. The fact that I found the strength to even do this was a shock even to myself.

I find myself connecting to other writers very strongly, it mostly comes otu in lyrics. Hayley Williams, is very similiar termpementally to me. "let the flames begin" and the fact that she loves the keiser chief's "love's not a competition"{


and this song is very much so ME. What I do. I always manage to escape the karma for my bad deeds, what few there are. I always find a way back to dawn but I trapped myself so far away from the world, an self imposed prison.

I guess I just got tired of it. I got tired of not even being given a chance to put my foot in the door and love one more time so I shut myself out. I stopped trying... so disgusted at the low quality boys I kept losing to that now I hide away from the world.

and then I do things that shock EVERYONE... in truth I hate to be predictable...

I put up with so much **** from everyone and so rarely do I ever say "no more" I sink my teeth in and then I never let go so when I step out it shocks everyone, including me

But the truth is that It was my way of saying you want too much from me and you want me to be something I will never be. I can't make myself what you wanted (to my former partner)

but the truth is that the FEW things I run away from I have a REAL tendency to end up in a Place tha'ts JUST like the place I ran from on a profound level.

ManifestoOfThePhoenix ManifestoOfThePhoenix
31-35, M
Jan 12, 2013