I'm Afraid to Do It

so i just wrote a story about how i think my dreams are telling me that i have to leave my boyfriend because he won't marry me.  but i don't think i can do that.  i love him. i really do.  i just don't want to wait forever, because i want to get married to him.

he says that he will understand if i leave him.  what kind of bullshit is that?!?  he wasn't even like sad about it.  its just like whatever to him.  he doesn't realize how important it is to me.  i just can't believe he is willing to just shut out marriage like that. 

i am scared to leave him. i've shared 5 years of my life and my daughters life with this man.  we have been living together, even filed taxes together this year.  he does so much for me, just like i do so much for him.  but i can't help it.  i want to be someone's wife.  i don't want to be a girlfriend for the rest of my life.

but i love him.  i don't want to have to meet another man. even if they would marry me.  maybe the love we have for eachother is enough.

danetty757 danetty757
22-25, F
6 Responses Feb 25, 2009

you are right. but i know he's not using me, because its pretty 50-50 around here and he is considerate of me, like when i don't feel good, he will cook and pick up around the house, and even go out to get me whatever i need no matter what time. and he does an excellent job with my daughter. he tells me he appreciates what i do, and he doesn't boss me around, or yell at me or make me feel small or insignificant. he has asked me to just be patient with how he feels about marriage, and i will. right now we are pretty happy and stable, so i'm just gonna go with it. when i really think about it, i'm just making myself crazy.

We live in a time where people will not commit to anything. Personally I never wanted to be a trial to be tossed out incase he wasn't satisfied. (You do so much for him) why should he get married, he has it made and if he finds someone else, he's not committed. Where does that leave you then and your daughter. I think he is using you and if you leave maybe he will find someone else to use. Do you want to spend your life being used? Find someone who wants to take you as his, give you his name, keep you forever and have children with you and be around when they leave the nest. Looking forward to the just you and him and forever.

yea it would be great if we were at least engaged with the posibility of marriage. i rather be engaged and not get married, than just be a girlfriend year after year without hope. its not like i am rushing things, we've been together and doing well since july 2004. i was 20-21, now i'm 25-26 later this year.....so it's not like i'm rushing into anything. i just want to hear "maybe one day"...not "everyone in my family got divorced and i don't want that". guess that means we aint having kids either. i vowed not to have another child with a man unless i am married. even if we do get divorced, i want the next time to be tradicionally correct.

I was engaged for quite a while , i was probably like him. I personaly just didnt want to make it official until I was 100 percent pos its what i wanted to do. I eventually did it mostly for her to be honest becouse i felt i wasnt being fair to her although the downside i ultimatly wasnt being fair to myself by doing so.

I thought you both talked about marriage and he said he wanted to, but just not now, he didn't want to rush. If that has changed again and he has said he understands if you leave and he has no true emotion about it, then maybe you need to leave or seperate for awhile. Are you in a rush to marry? I get the feeling he really does not want that commitment, so why torture yourself? You may think you will never meet someone and love and marry them, but unless you know the future how can you say this for sure? You also have to think of your child, and what she sees and hears, you may have the kind of love that is strickly friendship but not marrying. He has not dealt with his own fears and issues and you are suffering in the long wrong. Either stay in the relationship and forget about the marriage or get out of the relationship and see what comes about.

will be a common law marriage befor to long