What Do You Do With Them...

i always have to wonder, as i am writing, who is going to be reading this.  sometimes, i can forget that question, and just write.  other times, i am writing as though someday, someone will be reading this.  other times, i freak out at the idea of anyone reading it... and don't write anything specific, only how i feel about an even to remain nameless.  if the journal is just for me, i would know anyway. 

one day i wanted to transcend that idea of writing for others and wrote a page that i said i wanted no one to read, and wrote about how i wanted to have a bisexual experience.  i was scared after that.. not that my life would be over if anyone found out.... that wouldn't be the case at all.  more just that i could die mysteriously tomorrow, and my boyfriend and parents would be going through my stuff.  they would find it all and read it all.  i couldn't decide how i felt about that.  i would be dead... so why does it matter if they read it all...  its true right? or not, but it was part of my pursuit of finding myself. 

or do you destroy them all?  my uncle did recently.  he said he felt great afterward.  he destroyed 20 years of journals.  he said they were from years filled with pain.  that just doesn't feel right to me. 

or sometimes, i think, i should send them anonymously to someone around the world. that the journal would end up being like EP,  where you are interested in hearing the thoughts and stories of another without the burden of meeting them in real life and communicating with them on a superficial level.  to the recipient, it would be like a great book.  or a mystery. 

i am interesting in knowing how you all feel about your journals... are they for others to read, or is that what EP is for?
iamnotnadia iamnotnadia
22-25, F
1 Response Dec 26, 2007

i write what is true to myself. i write with myself as my audience. i would not bear to destroy my journals. there are things that would shock people. there are things that might even hurt people's feelings. someday my husband and family may read them, because i'm gone. i don't know how i feel about that. it's who i was, and i'm gone so it wouldn't matter any more. but i don't know what the aftermath would be. i try not to think about it too much. i couldn't send them away, i would give my husband the option of deciding what to do with them.