It Used To Be EasyWhen I started here, this was just a place to jot my thoughts down. Occasionally I would write an erotic story, share a fantasy, or talk about music. I talked to a few people, but not that many. I was more interested in getting things out of my head, things that had been sedentary for too long. And the sensation of finally releasing those thoughts was exquisite. I got a rush from posting, and I found myself posting more.
The surprise was when I started connecting to other people through those stories. At first it was witty banter. But soon . . . it became obvious that I was making connections with people. Not just casual connections either. Suddenly, I'm sharing intimate thoughts and feelings, details and ideas. And I am listening.
As a student of the human condition, listening to others drives me. I love to hear what makes other people tick. And here - it's addictive. In addition to the stories that get posted, in addition to the confessions and the questions and the blogs, people open up to you. I only had to be on here for a little while to realize that almost of us on here are eager to find someone - someone to connect with, to validate us, to share with. These people, these friends, opened up to me. What started as something simple became so much more complicated.
With that, it became so much more difficult to keep the two personae separate. Layne does not exist in real life, and yet I can feel him bleeding off the page into reality. There are moments now where things I say in public are things that I read here, heard here, was told here. Conversely, more of the real me has begin bleeding into Layne - into my stories, my comments, my thoughts . . .
So much of what occupies my mind now originates here that it has become very difficult for me keep this secret. I am going through a metamorphosis. What will happen when I emerge from my cocoon?