I Keep Getting My Heart Broken

I know why I used to get my heart broken , because I was always attracted to and dated the sexy 'bad boys'. A little history of my heart breaking saga is the 1st guy I was with, for 6yrs, he beat me up, cheated on me, manipulated me and my money, and then on Christmas I called him to see when he was going to pick me up and a woman answered his phone and told me she is his fiancee and they have a 1yr old. I spent that week curled up in my bed crying. The next few bad boys, told me they loved me but they actually had families they lived with. The last guy, I was with him for 4yrs, he had mentioned having kids with me and when I did become pregnant, he told me everyday to have an abortion, He wouldnt talk to me otherwise other than to tell me to have an abortion. I did miscarry and when he found out I had miscarried he wanted to be with me again, how convinient, right? I took 1yr off from dating so that I could clear my head and be free of my past when I get into my new healthy relationship. So I meet this guy who seems to be just amazing, so amazing. He told me he has a daughter and a son. Which is fine, he has that situation handled and everything, well now I just got an email from him telling me that its over because he just found out he has another baby and he doesnt want to put me through that. Which is fair because we've only been talking for a couple months. But it still hurts so much. I am a good girl, I used to be a bad girl per say, but I just want true love, someone who loves me for me. I wonder to myself, will I ever find him? Do I attract losers? Am I doing something wrong? They say birds of a feather flock together. Well all my friends are happily married to amazing men. (most of them lol) I am attractive, great sense of humor, smart, good personality, independent, I work for the state, my own place my own car, no kids, young, great financial status , and all I want to complete me is a man who loves me with everything he is.
I dont want to lose hope. One day in church someone told me "God feels you losing hope and He says not to". I dont want to. I am just to the point that I am scared now. I open up to men and they hurt me. Its all about them and their situation in the end. What about me? What about us? Just leave me how you found me, I will be ok.- I think thats what they think. Yes, I will be ok, but I will just be a little more broken and thats what you cant see. The outside looks great, the inside is broken glass. Very sharp pains.
Mamacita9 Mamacita9
31-35, F
3 Responses Feb 26, 2011

U shoulb b picky when ur datingmake sure you both are both on the same page...datingexclusively before you sleep w him so u dont fall in lve w him before he is comited to you.

Great advice! thanks!

I can relate to how you're feeling, it hasn't been that long since I've liberated myself from attracting that type of misery as well. So I can totally embrace and empathize what you're going through.

I can share with you the mistake I was making 100% of the time is that I didn't love myself enough. If I loved myself at all, I know that sounds cliche and I used to hate to hear people say that, but it's really the truth. Until you learn to love yourself and feel good about yourself love is going to always seem elusive. I noticed in your post you mentioned that you feel as though you are to blame, it's easy to look outside of ourselves and automatically assume that some problem we're having is automatically the result of a failing on our part, it's common to point the finger at ourselves and blame ourselves for a bad experiences, but in reality an experience is only bad if you don't learn something from it. It sounds like there is a pattern with you and the people your choose, there is a common denominator and you'll have to figure out what it is in order to resolve it. Usually it is the direct result of some long-standing relationship conflict that hasn't been resolved and it keeps appearing in your romantic relationships.

I had a similar experience and once I was able to uncover the conflict and resolve it, I was able to open up and love myself and have more confidence to truly ask for what I want out of a person. What I have discovered is that I'm not the type who can be in a conventional relationship, I'm independent and I like having relationships with people where we care about each other and the love is there, but I'm not constantly looking to their love to validate me. I don't have to rely on someone's love to validate me, because for one I am enough to validate myself and of course they're going to love me, why wouldn't they? But it's taken me a very long time to develop that type of confidence, but I have and you can as well.

Try to take some time on your own to really get to know yourself and figure out the type of love you want, the type of person you really are and most important of all, what do you really want, love is a very general term and there is love all over, but getting down to brass tax about what you really want out of the relationships you seek will help you attract the type of men you want to have in your life, you'll be able to find them and they'll seek you out, but you have to know specifically what it is you want. We all want love, everyone wants love, but being able to find the type of love you want takes knowing what that kind of love may look like, what it feels like, sounds like, smells like. Those are the important questions to try and answer for yourself.

Your Church member was right, don't give up hope, there are no easy fixes when you're dealing with the human heart, but the work you do on yourself will pay off; it's true what they say, when you are ready for love it will come from all directions. But if you continue to doubt yourself and your self worth as being lovely and lovable love will continue to elude you.

Good Luck!

Thank you so much for taking the time to write these encouraging words! It means alot to me that you actually can relate! I have been doing alot better as far as dating. I seldomly date , because I do respect myself alot more and I don't settle for the okie doke! Thank you!!