I Keep Getting My Heart BrokenI know why I used to get my heart broken , because I was always attracted to and dated the sexy 'bad boys'. A little history of my heart breaking saga is the 1st guy I was with, for 6yrs, he beat me up, cheated on me, manipulated me and my money, and then on Christmas I called him to see when he was going to pick me up and a woman answered his phone and told me she is his fiancee and they have a 1yr old. I spent that week curled up in my bed crying. The next few bad boys, told me they loved me but they actually had families they lived with. The last guy, I was with him for 4yrs, he had mentioned having kids with me and when I did become pregnant, he told me everyday to have an abortion, He wouldnt talk to me otherwise other than to tell me to have an abortion. I did miscarry and when he found out I had miscarried he wanted to be with me again, how convinient, right? I took 1yr off from dating so that I could clear my head and be free of my past when I get into my new healthy relationship. So I meet this guy who seems to be just amazing, so amazing. He told me he has a daughter and a son. Which is fine, he has that situation handled and everything, well now I just got an email from him telling me that its over because he just found out he has another baby and he doesnt want to put me through that. Which is fair because we've only been talking for a couple months. But it still hurts so much. I am a good girl, I used to be a bad girl per say, but I just want true love, someone who loves me for me. I wonder to myself, will I ever find him? Do I attract losers? Am I doing something wrong? They say birds of a feather flock together. Well all my friends are happily married to amazing men. (most of them lol) I am attractive, great sense of humor, smart, good personality, independent, I work for the state, my own place my own car, no kids, young, great financial status , and all I want to complete me is a man who loves me with everything he is.
I dont want to lose hope. One day in church someone told me "God feels you losing hope and He says not to". I dont want to. I am just to the point that I am scared now. I open up to men and they hurt me. Its all about them and their situation in the end. What about me? What about us? Just leave me how you found me, I will be ok.- I think thats what they think. Yes, I will be ok, but I will just be a little more broken and thats what you cant see. The outside looks great, the inside is broken glass. Very sharp pains.