Silent

Some nights I go home feeling like there is a cork in my throat.  I've always seemed to have an issue with saying what needs to be said when it needs to be said.  There are also times that, even with a really close friend, I loose track of what to talk about.   It's awkward to me and I hate it because there are days that I can't stop talking.  I feel like with the speed that my mind flies through thoughts, ideas, and memories; there is not enough time in the day to share them, which leads to my next question.  Why is it that my mouth just does not wan't to share it? What is it in my brain that makes me want to seem mute? I understand the idea of "practice silence" but I'm not trying to and I don't think I could hold on to my friends if I did. They like to come to me with their deepest problems or issues they don't know they can tell anyone else.  I am confided in to share secrets... Have I been sworn to so much secrecy that it's taken my voice?  What ever it is, it's shredding me apart inside. There's too much, I want to word vomit to someone but I cant find the right fingers, I've reached my data limit and I have no option to choose.  It's building and building but I can't seem to find my release button.  

I wish I knew just how to talk...
chfkawai chfkawai
22-25
May 20, 2012