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Where Do I Start?

I have been a member of EP since May 2011, in which time I have formed some amazing friendships. I have read and contributed to many intelligent and thoughtfully written posts and have felt so deeply humbled by the many honest and deeply personal thoughts and fears that continue to be expressed here.

I regularly observe these achievements, all the while feeling great admiration for those who have managed to successfully express their emotions and convey their innermost needs, sharing what are often times their most intimate outpourings

Many have added their thoughts on this, praising EP for the wonderful opportunity that has been given, making it possible to benefit from the therapy of writing those deeply personal admissions

I am though become increasingly frustrated at my own inability to use EP for what essentially is its core purpose.  The potential that this site can offer me in the form of positive help toward my mental health and self esteem are very apparent. I can envisage just how much I would ‘benefit’ if only I were able to find the courage needed to help myself, but yet somehow I still cannot seem to bring myself to make that start.

I will admit I have some painful memories and deeply repressed feelings.  I have not been able to open up too easily when it has come to sharing anything personal. Over time I have become far too used to stifling certain aspects of my past.

My inability to open up and share, to willingly talk about my past experiences has meant that I have been plagued with emotional problems, all of them impacting upon and causing various health issues throughout my life, such as repeated depressive episodes and bouts of anxiety.

It is terribly frustrating for me, as I know that EP is just the absolute perfect place for me to make that change. It is a friendly supportive environment, one that I have learned to trust, all helped with the added peace of mind that the choice to anonymity brings.

EP is the one place where I feel as though I really could attempt to release some of those suppressed memories. But sadly so far I have failed, acting in exactly the same way as I always have in life, overly fearful, holding back and fighting against revealing even an ounce of myself.

I know that I shouldn’t feel afraid as I have absolutely no doubt that my friends would be completely supportive and non judgemental in their response. They are such an amazing and special group that I know I would be overwhelmed at the level of help and support I would receive.

Perhaps I need some kind of push from my friends to do this? Otherwise I fear it may never happen. I sincerely believe it would help me a great deal, if only I could learn how to open up.

Where do I even begin to make that start?
teeny09 teeny09 36-40, F 4 Responses Feb 2, 2012

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Always look forward, never look back, nothing ventured nothing gained, try it you'll like it. I am the opposite I have put all kinds of info out here, all true, and no harm done. Just go for it.

Thanks for your advice! :)

sweetie you have helped so many ppl now it,s time to take the time to help yourself no one will judge you your frue friends will support you in every way so please open up a bit at a time then once you gain confidence everything will come out your friend vinny

Ahhh Thank you so much Vinny, you're very kind and a true friend indeed..*Hugs* xxx

thanks Teeny

hugs to you to teeny

*Hugs* :)) xxx

1 More Response

*Hugs* You are an amazing woman Teeny.<br />
I really do think that these things take time and you shouldn't rush yourself. I think it is all about taking baby steps, start off small. Don't feel as though you have to reveal anything huge straight away that will only make you feel more anxious.<br />
Believe it or not, although I am very open about my issues on here, I do sometimes end up deleting stories or editing them. Or I feel vulnerable and worried after posting something. Perhaps it is just a case of revealing too much too soon. We both need to go at our own pace and only do what we feel comfortable with.<br />
I know without a doubt that your friends (including me, goes without saying) would respond kindly and with great sensitivity and thought to whatever you post but please don't be hard on yourself. We aren't going anywhere and when the timing is right, hopefully you will feel you can reveal more of your thoughts and feelings that have been kept hidden for so long.<br />
<br />
Lots of Love xx

Great advice &amp; much appreciated!...I will take it slow as you advise and see what happens! *Hugs* xxx Lots of love xxx..

There is a boundless supply of help and support on EP - I think for the most part you have played the supporting role to others. Maybe now is the time to tell a little more and seek the views of others. You know you have some very good friends here that you you can trust to listen carefully and give sound advice.<br />
<br />
Feel free to consider this a small nudge in the right direction!!

A much needed 'nudge!'... Thank you! xxx