Where Do I Start?I have been a member of EP since May 2011, in which time I have formed some amazing friendships. I have read and contributed to many intelligent and thoughtfully written posts and have felt so deeply humbled by the many honest and deeply personal thoughts and fears that continue to be expressed here.
I regularly observe these achievements, all the while feeling great admiration for those who have managed to successfully express their emotions and convey their innermost needs, sharing what are often times their most intimate outpourings
Many have added their thoughts on this, praising EP for the wonderful opportunity that has been given, making it possible to benefit from the therapy of writing those deeply personal admissions
I am though become increasingly frustrated at my own inability to use EP for what essentially is its core purpose. The potential that this site can offer me in the form of positive help toward my mental health and self esteem are very apparent. I can envisage just how much I would ‘benefit’ if only I were able to find the courage needed to help myself, but yet somehow I still cannot seem to bring myself to make that start.
I will admit I have some painful memories and deeply repressed feelings. I have not been able to open up too easily when it has come to sharing anything personal. Over time I have become far too used to stifling certain aspects of my past.
My inability to open up and share, to willingly talk about my past experiences has meant that I have been plagued with emotional problems, all of them impacting upon and causing various health issues throughout my life, such as repeated depressive episodes and bouts of anxiety.
It is terribly frustrating for me, as I know that EP is just the absolute perfect place for me to make that change. It is a friendly supportive environment, one that I have learned to trust, all helped with the added peace of mind that the choice to anonymity brings.
EP is the one place where I feel as though I really could attempt to release some of those suppressed memories. But sadly so far I have failed, acting in exactly the same way as I always have in life, overly fearful, holding back and fighting against revealing even an ounce of myself.
I know that I shouldn’t feel afraid as I have absolutely no doubt that my friends would be completely supportive and non judgemental in their response. They are such an amazing and special group that I know I would be overwhelmed at the level of help and support I would receive.
Perhaps I need some kind of push from my friends to do this? Otherwise I fear it may never happen. I sincerely believe it would help me a great deal, if only I could learn how to open up.
Where do I even begin to make that start?