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Not Always A Good Thing....

When I was younger..I was quiet and EXTREMELY shy. I have since gotten over that, but I learned to keep my feelings and emotions inside. I have felt from an early age that any show of negative emotions or feelings was frowned upon and could sometimes even get me into trouble. It wasn't all from childhood...as I've gotten older and been hurt a few times after I opened myself up..I learned to not let people get too close to me or know the "real" me. I don't even know who the real me is anymore. But since my separation in 2009 and eventual divorce...I have learned that you can't keep a bunch of stuff inside forever...it WILL come out eventually and can be very destructive. To you and people around you. All the negative feelings and emotions that I didn't deal with before..are coming out now. I'm angry most of the time...I lash out at people..and some of them don't deserve it. I didn't used to be this way and I don't like being this way now. I wish I COULD really talk to someone about things..but I don't even think I'm capable of doing that anymore.
RubyLane RubyLane 41-45, F May 28, 2012

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