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I Keep Too Many Things to Myself

I Keep Too Many Things To Myself... And For A Good Reason!

By: MissSheila
Written on July 15th, 2012
Last night, I spilled my guts to my best friend. I told her everything- how I'm bipolar, the fact that I cut myself, I told her I have tons of secrets that no one knows, I told her everything. I didn't want to; she pressured me into it.
She went on and on about how she didn't feel like I trusted her, and that she thought our whole friendship was a lie since I've been keeping so many things from her... she put me in a situation where I had to tell her. I couldn't keep up with the lies.
A short run-down of what happened: My friend said she's had suspicions about my self-harm before, but didn't want to question me directly about it. And when I finally tell her, she says she's glad I told her, but then she goes off saying things like, "No, you're not fine. You need help. People that are 'fine' don't do this to themselves." She told me I need fixed. Then she did what she's been doing throughout our whole friendship- turned MY problems back around on herself, making me feel guilty. She started saying that she felt like a bad friend because she's been letting me suffer for so long. She told me she was crying and didn't know what to do. I understand the situation I put her in, and that she's just worried about me, but she pressured me into it. If she didn't want to know, why bother asking?

Anyway, it's because of overreactions and responses like the above paragraphs that I keep so much to myself. I don't need anyone worrying about me and causing a fuss. Maybe just talking about it would be fine, but I don't need anyone stressing over me. So, I just tend to keep everything bottled up.  Besides, I'd much rather not have to worry about whether or not my secrets will be safe with other people.
By: MissSheila
Age: 13-15 , Female
116 people have read this story

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5 responses
  • underthescars
    underthescars

    Nobody knows how to handle me for my anxiety and stress and I too have cut, only leaving myself in another screwed situation. But when you keep it bottled, it drives you insane, so we all need someone to share our feelings with, and how they handle it is the benefical thing. But they say, "I'm here for you" and then smack it back in your face! My cousin (and needless to say, my closest friend) is schizophrenic, has gone through God knows how many treatments and she told me, in anguishing and frightened tears with those beautiful, brown eyes that a boy, (who I know) had sexually harrassed her and scared her. The number one thing I wanted to do was to become enraged and march right up the road to the boy's house and handle business, but for her sake, I had to keep my calm. Confronting the boy was thinking only of myself, who was there and most importantly I should be thinking of was the person in front of me.
    If you ever need to talk I'm always there. You're strong and by that, I have the faith that you will be greatly used by God.

    Sep 18, 2012
    2 likes
  • JesusKravitz
    JesusKravitz

    I get what you`re saying about relying on others to keep your secrets. I have that problem because someone found out some of mine and is pretty much blackmailing me with it. They know that I`d do anything to keep it a secret, so they abuse that fact. Either way, I get where you`re coming from and I support your decision to keep your secrets.

    Jul 16, 2012
    2 likes
    • MissSheila
      MissSheila

      Thanks for the support! It's nice to know that other people understand why I keep things to myself. I'm terrified of the same thing happening to me!
      Oh, and, if you have anything you need to get off your chest, I'd be more than willing to listen!

      Jul 16, 2012
      1 like
    • JesusKravitz
      JesusKravitz

      Thanks! Same here. If you need to talk to someone, feel free to ask any time.

      Jul 16, 2012
      1 like
  • hurtingforever
    hurtingforever

    i totally get you. i even understadn how your friend flipped everythign around into her problems. drives me crazy cuz i haet annoying or hurtign people. i told u some stuff earlier but just know your secrets ARE safe with me and i will nvr turn it around adn burden you at anytime. i will just try my best to support your decesions and be by your side every step of the way. i got ur back

    Jul 15, 2012
    3 likes