I Am Free

It started grade 6, I was a normal child. (As normal as it gets for me) I dressed different and all that, but I always ate more. Food was a comfort. Even when bored just binge. Then "honesty box" came along, I had messages saying I was "fat" "ugly" "full of chub" and it really hurt because I could tell my friends wrote it all. Grade 7 came and I still stayed the same, but it keep comming, swimming unit for school I never went, always ditched. They talked about me behind my back, how big I am. Then I snapped, Grade 8 I had enough, I became bulimic.
I threw up everything, breakfast and supper because my parents and I had supper and breakfast together. Then threw out my lunch, but mabey ate a orange or something light. I started slimming, I excersised daily I felt good even tho' it was so wrong. I drank bottles and bottles of water at meals so it be easyer to purge. I felt skinny, I had over a hundred pages under my bed frame, of tricks and tips. I mesmerized most of them. Then I started to hurt, my throat, headaches, dizzy. I knew I had to stop, my first attempt, I told my friend about myself, my response from her was, "that's retarded." I clearly didn't have a friend that cared. So I took care of it myself. I didn't have parents that cared, or friends so I set out for myself.
I ended up throwing out the papers. I stopped, I ate and held it down. I tried my hardest. Sure I gained weight because I had a lazy stage, it felt good. Now I'm fat again, whoo. At the end of my lazy stage I was 150p. So it had been two months now I'm 130p. No, I haven't puked once. I tell myself it would be easyer but I know I'm not going back to that. My goal is 120p or a little bit lower but not too much. If I reach my goal I'm going to be so happy, "I did it without Mia or Ana" And it's going to stay that way.
hardtobenormal hardtobenormal
18-21, F
May 24, 2012