I Still Love Her.

It's actually a story I wrote about my Freshman year of High School and I still have it saved. So here it is:

It happened so quickly. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. My insides were twisting themselves around into knots. I wasn’t completely sure what was happening. All I knew was, I wanted more.
It was Thursday night. I was sitting on my bed with her. I had my mom’s Dell laptop sitting in my lap. I could feel the tension and nervousness in the room. While trying to think of something to break the silence, she asked to watch Sweeny Todd. I turned off the laptop and stood up. As I slid the DVD into the player, I thought of how much I enjoyed just being here with her. I walked to my door and hit the lights off. When I turned around I noticed she was lying down. I walked over and sat next to her. When I looked at her I saw she was just as nervous as me. I hesitated before I lay down too. When the movie started playing, I felt her arm going across my stomach, pulling me closer to her. I resisted, but only briefly. I knew I wanted to be closer to her. Butterflies filled my stomach at her soft touch. I turned around to face her, but flew forward. My lips ended up brushing against her chin. I giggled and said “That was a close one. I bet one of these days I’m going to end up kissing you.” I looked into her eyes and smiled. She smiled back. My stomach started overflowing with more butterflies. She then said, “I don’t see the big deal with kissing. What’s so great about it?” I looked at her. I wanted to lean over and show her. I didn’t care for anyone I had kissed before but I knew how wonderful it would feel if it was with the right person. If it was someone I actually cared about. Instead my nervousness held me back. So I said “Well, when you find the right person, I’m sure you’ll see what the deal is.” She sighed and looked up at the movie. I could tell she was disappointed I didn’t show her. We sat watching the movie in silence. The tension was coming back. She finally broke the silence by saying, “You know, if… if you ever wanted to show me what the big deal is, you can tell me.” I knew she was asking me to kiss her. It took me a little off guard. I’d known it was coming for quite some time now, but I didn’t know it would be so soon. “I…I…” I couldn’t say what I really wanted. We sat there, staring at each other. I could tell she wanted my answer. I thought hard, how could I possibly get her to understand that I want to. I’m just nervous. Then it dawned on me. “Kiss me,” New Found Glory. That was the song on my profile. “Check my profile song.” I told her. She jumped up and grabbed my mother’s laptop. I felt the butterflies fluttering again. I stood up and walked to the bathroom. I closed the door behind me and stared at myself in the mirror. She’s finally going to know for sure. She’s always known, but I’m admitting it to her now. I noticed how fast paced my breathing had become. Breathing in and out slowly, I tried to calm myself. I flushed the toilet and turned on the water, in case she was standing outside of the doorway. When I walked back to my room, she had already turned off the laptop and put it up again. She gave me a pouting face. “What’s the matter?” I asked her. “The song wouldn’t load.” She said hiding a smile. It was obvious she was lying and trying to hide her happiness. “Aw, that’s too bad. I guess you’re going to have to wait till you get home to find out then.” I said playing along. She lay back down, leaving room for me to go back into her arms. I slowly lay back down. This time I automatically faced her. She leaned in close to me. When I could tell she was about to kiss me, I moved back and sat up. “I can’t” I said in a whisper. As much as I wanted it, I was too scared. She sat up, grabbing her phone in the process. “Can you pick me up, please? Oh. Really? Okay I’m on my way out.” She hung up the phone. “My mom’s here. I guess she has good timing.” She said to me angrily as she stood up. “Why are you mad at me?” I asked, tears started to form in my eyes. I can’t stand her being mad at me. “You just confessed to me that you wanted me to kiss you. Then when I try to, you push me away. What do you want from me?!” By this point she was super mad. I hurt her really bad by doing that. “I… I’m sorry.” I said before kissing her cheek. “Whatever.” With that she walked out.
The next day after school she came over again. We needed to talk. I walked straight to my bed and sat down. She walked in behind me and hesitated. “Can I sit next to you?” She asked. I nodded my approval. She came and sat next to me, our arms brushed against each others. I wanted to lean over and kiss her right then. I wanted to get it over with. “I’m sorry.” She said placing her hand on my cheek and forehead against mine. She had such a sweet and soft touch. Her hand was warming up my face. I looked at her, staring into her eyes. Kiss me already! I thought. She must have heard my thoughts because she started pulling me closer. Her lips touched mine. It started off soft. Then she deepened the kiss. That’s when I was sure my stomach exploded. It couldn’t hold that many butterflies.
I had so many emotions flying through my head. I didn’t want the kiss to stop, but of course it had to. We pulled apart and looked into each other’s eyes. I couldn’t help but smile. Her lips were so wonderful. The kiss was amazing and perfect. She smiled back at me just as her phone rang. “Hello? Oh. Okay then. Be right out.” She looked at me and frowned. “I’m sorry, my mom’s here. I have to go.” I looked at her and smiled. “It’s okay. You just made up for a lot of things you’ve done.” I said. She smiled at me, showing all of her sparking white teeth. She stood up and went to walk out. As she reached the door she stopped, resting her hand on the doorknob. She spun around and walked back to me. I looked up at her in puzzlement. She bent down kissed my cheek and whispered “That was perfect. Thank you for showing me what the big deal was.” Then she spun around and walked out the door, gently closing it behind her. I smiled at the closed door and whispered, “You’re welcome.”

And to this day I still love that girl. I will always remember our first kiss, and regret all the things I did that shoved her away from me.
Ronniroo Ronniroo
18-21, F
2 Responses May 21, 2012

i know this but
I LOVED EVERY WORD!!!! wonderful story

wow, your story really touched a nerve with me, I had a similar experience. It was written so well I was nervous for you!<br />
I know it's super hard and feels like losing this girl is the end but you have to focus on all the good times you had with her and be thankful for those moments with her, even only for a while.<br />
Always about if you want to chat.<br />
Chin-up, it DOES get better.