Wish I Hadn't.
Yeah, I did. And honestly, I regret it.
She was a messed up kid. Two and a half years older than me. Just used me.
She had a personality disorder, I found out after I had been flown back to my grandparents' house. That's what my mom did to get me away from her.
She got in my head and messed around with it.
She was truly ugly. Inside and out.
I have been straight my whole life. And still am.
Never once wanting to kiss a girl.
Maybe, like in Katy Perry's song, that I'm sure all of you know. But maybe, just to try it.
But honestly, she was one of those ugly girls.
She thought she was a guy. There was just something messed up with that.
And when my mom confronted her parents, and her, about what she had been doing to me, they said that she had the mentality of a 12 year old, she was 17, I was 14. And before they said that, she had said it was all my fault, that I had forced her, and ran crying to her room. *****.
Honestly, secretly, I felt sorry for her, and, being way too kind and naive, I let her use me, I tried to help, to no use excepting hurting myself, and my relationship with my mother.
My mom knew that I had always been straight. BUT! Just to clear up any misunderstanding. My mom said she would be fine if I decided I was a lesbian. But my mom says there is no bi. There is straight. And there is gay. Nothing else.
She was going to accept me, regardless of what my sexuality was.
But I was straight.
Still, that hurt my relationship with my mother greatly. I wish that girl had never happened. I wish I had never met her.
But in a way I don't.
If I hadn't met her, had that happen, and then be sent back to my grandparents', I wouldn't have met my boyfriend, that I have been with for the last three months, and truly love him with all my heart.
I guess, in a way, all mistakes lead to a greater happiness.
Hard to believe. Hard to accept. Hard to think possible. But it's true.
And, well, it was wrong. She was less than a year to adulthood, and she was basically trying to rape me.
Oh, and I must include, she was indeed a lesbian, I was straight. She was only interested in girls, not guys at all.
AND there had been a guy that I knew at school who had been interested in me, and was actually going to ask me out the day we got back from Christmas break, I was sent back to my grandparents' January 2, of '09.
But this girl, kept telling me that he only wanted to get in my pants. I mean, you would not believe how hard this guy was trying, he was trying to hint at wanting to go out with me every second I would talk to him. Kept insisting I join in at the hot springs place in the area, lol, even said he'd pay for me to go..
And yet, she apparently hated him, he was a good guy, he did have multiple personalities though, lol. (Just a side note, NEVER go to Idaho. This is where this all occurred.)
She told me repeatedly that he only wanted to get in my pants, while she herself was trying to do just that.
She basically raped me, if you could say that, being a girl and all.
I was blinded, naive, and didn't know what the hell was going on.
I want to say I hate her. But truly hate is an emotion, like love, and hating someone shows you still think of that person, so I guess you could say I greatly dislike her, to the point I want nothing good to happen to her, for the hell she caused me.
I'm sorry for the long story under this title, but I thought I should explain.
And, I should add. I do not count this as my first kiss. I have never kissed a guy, and think only guys' kisses are worth counting as that. I'm straight and will be for the rest of my life. And do plan on marrying my boyfriend, after I graduate.
Only reason this happened, because I was used, when I was in a great state of depression, and didn't have anything good.'
Thank you for reading.