I Know Bipolar: All Too Well

I know about Bipolar disorder from experience, that is to say mine.  I always knew something was amiss, so I stopped drinking six years ago, a decision that no doubt saved my life.  Buit even then I couldn't get it together: the mood swings were frightening, I would do things that were utterly bizarre like drive to Baltimore for crab bisque.  What's so bizarre is that I live 13 hours west of Balto.  I couldn't hold a job for more than a year.  I moved every six months or so.  I was in and out of jails, mostly on traffic matters.

Thankfully I'm now medicated, after I was taken to hospital where I told staff I was going to have a "traffic accident," and law enforcement officials "suggested" that I "voluntarily commit."  I did so, and thankfully the first trial of medication worked.  My life is on track now, and I'm slogging my way through school to be a nurse while working part time as a CNA in a nursing home.

The struggle I think comes from me trying to forgive myself for lost time, and hoping that I don't use my BP as a cop-out for past offenses, legal and otherwise.  Folks say I move fast and that perhaps I should slow down, but if they knew about all the time that was wasted and ain't coming back...
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36-40, M
1 Response Aug 3, 2010

Thank you! :-)