Am I So Bad


Last year I found my birth mother and what a moment that was for me. I was 27 and all my life I have dreamt of that moment. Nothing could prepare me for what happened next and it may seem mean to you but I have never known anyone with such a problem. I heard of it but didn’t understand it.


I called here and of course I had many questions and none of the answer was ones that I wanted to hear. I was told I was raped child and that she didn’t want me. She told me a lot of weird things and when I hung up I was frustrated. Made me think why she would say all this stuff to some one rate away. After a couple times in talking to her she told me that she had a number of problems. It made sense because all her stories change with her mood that day.

She told me the name of the man that rapped her or so she said. I found him and man oh man was he happy to hear from me. He told me he dreamed of me for many years and wish he had done something different to keep me. He sent me a letters he had kept from my birth mother. Wow, how said it was.

He really loved her and she would say the same until she started using heavy drugs. He tried to help her out of it and to live a happy life but she wanted nothing to do with it. After seven months of them being separated she told him she was pregnant with me. He was with another woman who he loved and he didn’t want me either because he was expecting to marry. After I was adopted he realized what he did and he felt terrible but being only 17 he didn’t know what to do.

Then he asked me what date I was born and this is where it gets bad. He thought I was born in December which would make sense but I was born in February. He was distressed about this greatly. We both paid for a test to be sure and sure enough the test can back negative. 0% chances he was my father.

Poor guy, he cries like I never heard a man cry.

What could I do, I knew her sickness confused her. It wouldn’t be right to freak out but I was so mad. I called her and she was in denial at first but when I showed her the results she got confused. To this day I will only talk to her by email and the only reason why I do that is because her care worker begged me to do it so she will not cut herself again.


A story book that I should have never opens but my curiously got the best of me.

This maybe harsh but how to feel and do anything else

erinjt erinjt
26-30, F
1 Response Aug 1, 2007

I think your mother sounds more borderlined PD'd then Bipolar. But that's just my opinion. Be thankful that you grew up adopted, it sounds like it was the best gift your birth mother could have given you considering her issues.