DO Not Fool Yourself

When I hear that someone is a 'functioning' alcoholic, or they can 'quit anytime they want to', or 'I still go to work, pay my bills, take care of my kids ....' I cringe now. 

After 9 years of marriage, my functioning alcoholic drug addict husband and I are divorcing.

Did I know when we got married that he had these problems - no. I knew he had drinking problems in the past, and thought he was over it. Never knew about the drugs.  

Did he go to work, make a paycheck? Yes = hardly ever missed a day of work -- that was him.

He was 'functioning' in the fact he went  to work and came home - that's it. 

Our family? It was me an my son at all the family outings, while I made excuses of why he was not at family events, or if he did chose to go, he would become so enraged he would make a scene and we would leave.

He slowly changed - stopped sleeping with me, no sex, started becoming mean to me and our son.   After every time when he yelled, and put me down repeatedly, he would apologize, and swear he would never do it again - ever -- please forgive him.

I really believed him at first - I even went around finding all of the bottles, pouring them out, throwing them away.  I even offered to drink with him, bring the alcohol in the house so he would spend time with me.

The more I tried to help him love me, the more he grew to hate and resent me and our son.

I finally realized that I needed help - I couldn't get out of the bed in the mornings. I lost my will to live.

I found a group therapy session that helped me open up - and understand that this is not my fault. I didn't realize that for the last 4 years I was burying my feelings and not living.

This really hit home one day when I was playing with my son, and realized how many times he apologized when daddy would yell, etc. Even when it was not his fault, my son was always apologizing.  I realized that this was one of the signs my therapist told me dysfunctional kids exhibit.

I then found alanon - this helped tremendously. 

Long story short - my husband and I split.  It's not easy, and my son and I are still recovering - but our lives are a little more peaceful, at least at home.

Does this still hurt? Every single day ... every day.

But for everyone out there that believes getting drunk everyday and functioning does not effect your family - you are SO wrong ... in SO many ways.

 

This effects every aspect of your family -- and your children pick up on this too.

MizzBlue72 MizzBlue72
36-40, F
5 Responses Feb 19, 2009

Thank you guys - I really wanted to put this story out there for the women and men who are in this situation, thinking that it is OK. It changes you - it really, really does.

You are strong, reward yourself for your decision. You have made the right one. I too lived with an alcoholic, and I left with my 3 children. We struggled, but we found peace.....it was so worthwhile. Today they are gorgeous children and they make me very proud. They know why I left and they can see why.<br />
Good for you!

Your story is inspiring. Sounds odd but you can be a great influance on others that still live your story. I have been there myself. It is the same cylcles with the addiction and abuse. You have the stage where everything is okay, next things start getting hard so you try and do your best to help the person help them selves, then things get horrible (violence/relaspse) to the breaking point. Then the Im sorrys and promises. Last but not leat the cycle begins all over again. These cycles are dangerous and in some cases deadly. I was a child raised in that environment, then my ex was exactly the same as yours, and my sister has come close to death twice over the same thing you went through. I admire you strength and bravery for yourself and your son. It is not easy to leave a situation like that. Keep your head up, smile and know you did the right thing. Your a hero! :)

Flour - that is so hard to hear! <br />
CPA - thank you =] you were so right -- I feel better getting that out. Thank you for the push

im sorry mizz b. i know what you must of went thru. my son is an alcoholic and hes only 24!