My Ordeal

I come from a family that has a lot of witchcraft in the bloodline, especially on my mother's side. My grandmother used to read our palms, read teacups, was into fortune telling and who knows what else. My mother even used to play occult games like the Ouija board and the fortune telling bottle-spinning game when she was a little girl. There are so many stories that I have heard of haunting and demonic manifestations coming from my mother's immediate family. She comes from a big family of 9 and grew up on a farm. Every member of her family has related their experiences with demons.

When my mother first played the occult spinning bottle game as a young girl with her sisters and a couple of their friends one night, a little green man with sea weed hair jumped out of the bottle and onto the palm of the one kid's hand. He just grinned at her. She dropped the bottle and the little man and ran away scared half to death.

Another time, this same group got together at night with another occult game. They apparently had summoned some spirit by name and they asked it to knock three times on the window if it was present. It did and everybody was spooked out once more. After that, that house was apparently haunted and things were never the same again. My grandmother recalls witnessing all sorts of weird things happening in that house after that. Things were always being moved around. People could hear voices and other random noises. There were constantly footsteps going up and down the passage at night. Everybody in the house was seeing things like ghost apparitions that would appear and disappear. 

The one night, one of the brothers woke up to these little men climbing up the bed and they started tormenting him and mocking him. The two brothers never spoke much of their experiences in that house. I think they've tried to forget them.

The last straw for my granny in that house was when she astral projected downstairs the one night. The house downstairs was full of people dressed in old-fashioned 19th century clothing and they were playing old-fashioned music. It was like she had been transported into another time. There was a long line of people waiting to go to the bathroom. After that, granny insisted to my grandpa that they move from that house. I think they packed their bags and left the next day.

There was however an outstanding light in my mother’s family. Years before others in my family were saved, my great grandmother had a very close personal relationship with Jesus such as I don’t hear often of.

I never really heard how she came to the Lord but my grandmother had been a Jehovah’s Witness for years and she was the one who brought Granny out of that deception. One day Granny tried to push her beliefs too hard on her and she just said that the Lord had shown her that that is wrong.

Some time before (shortly after my great granny had found the Lord), they were all sitting in a room and Granny tried to get my great granny to read her teacup like she had done so many times before. She just looked away from the cup and pretended to read and said a whole bunch of nonsense that was clearly not serious. Later she just told Granny that the Lord had shown her that He didn’t want her to do that anymore and shortly after that all teacup reading in the family stopped.

One of the most wonderful things about my great granny was her fruits. This was one of her strongest testimonies to all those around her for her entire walk with the Lord. She was one of the most wonderful people you could ever meet and she was very pure-hearted.

She also had a huge impact on my mother when she was a child. She and my mother had a very special bond unlike she had with any of her other grandchildren. It wasn’t that she didn’t love them as much. My mother was just the only one who got along well with her and liked to talk with her (she was often lonely since she had divorced her husband years earlier due his alcoholism). My mother spent a lot of time with her and they used to chat about many things. At this time, she taught my mom a lot about the Lord including her own experiences with Him. She told her about the Lord’s great love and compassion, about how Holy the Lord is.

Later on in her life she talked in more detail about her experiences with the Lord. She said sometimes when she was lying in bed at night feeling low she would feel the bed compress next to her as though somebody had sat on the edge of the bed. Then she would be flooded with peace and love and joy and she knew the Lord had sent an angel to comfort her. The one time she was lying in bed with a headache and she just prayed, “Oh Lord, I have such a headache”. Immediately she felt as though somebody had started to peel a cap off her head and the headache left her that instant.

There was another incident she spoke of when one of her daughters was bitten by a poisonous spider on the mouth when she was little. Now they lived out in the bush (this was in former Rhodesia which is now Zimbabwe) in a very rural area where there were no hospitals or doctors nearby. My great granny knew that the spider was poisonous but there wasn't anything they could do for her. They just did what they could for her and sent her to bed. But she just had a peace about it. She prayed about it and knew that the Lord would heal her daughter. He did heal her in the end and no harm came to her as a result.

She also told my mother that once the Lord showed her her mansion in Heaven a number of other beautiful things about Heaven in her dream.

The Lord must have revealed to her when she would die because they found her fully dressed in her best clothing lying on her bed with her bags packed when she died. I was seven years old at the time.

My experiences started when I was about 12 years old. I was lying in the bath (my two younger brothers were watching television with my parents in the lounge) when the locked door to my right and slightly behind me suddenly opened and there in the doorway stood a being about my size wearing what appeared to be a shining white robe. Where its head was supposed to be was a twirling circle and that is where my eyes were fixated. I was partly scared and partly fascinated. I am not quite sure what it was trying to do but the twirling circle was causing my mind to fog up and for some reason I thought it was my younger brother after looking into the circle for a few seconds (the whole thing must have lasted about 15 seconds). It just stood there holding the door open with me looking into the twirly circle. I started to come back to my senses and was feeling a sense of dread rising inside me again when I asked, "who are you?". As I said that it closed the door again and I wasn't sure what to make of it at 12 years old. All I know is that I was scared. I was shaking all over. When I got out the bath the door was indeed still locked. I heard later through spiritual counseling and deliverance that this was a demon trying to suck my mind into another level of spiritual consciousness or something. Whatever it did it apparently worked.

After that I was plagued with all manner of frightening nightmares and other terrifying experiences. I would frequently wake up in the middle of the night in a pool of sweat after dreaming that I was falling from a tremendous height. I started having many falling dreams.

I would frequently have nightmares where I was being chased or trying to prevent something evil from getting into the house. I even dreamed of hell twice.

This one dream I still vividly remember was of myself dying on earth and being absolutely terrified. I don't know how but I was aware that I had just died. I dreamed that I was dragged through these tunnels into a dark, cold cave-like place with prison cells fashioned out of the walls. There was a horrible rotting putrid smell that was present throughout this dream. I remember that even the touch of these demons on my flesh was searing and extremely painful and I remember being naked and I was embarrassed of my nakedness. My resistance was like nothing and they threw me into one of the cells with a pit of green putrid-smelling slime. In the slime pit were these two ugly and scary creatures and I knew straight away they were there to torment me. As they were about to start I woke up and the smell was still in my nose. I ran to the bathroom feeling really sick and threw up in the toilet. I was also feeling weak and light-headed and never went back to sleep. The dream was fresh in my mind for days and I felt very sick for as long.

There were many nightmares where I had difficulty telling whether I was experiencing these things awake or asleep. In one of these I thought I was awake lying in bed with my feet up against the cold wall moving them around on a hot summer night with the bright moon shining through my window. There was a clock on the wall in front of me (there never was a clock in my room) and I saw that it was 03:00 AM. Suddenly, my blissful moment was interrupted when I felt like an evil presence had entered the room and was watching me. I couldn't shake the feeling and then I noticed that my bed (it used to be a double bunk, myself on the top and my younger brother on the bottom) had been moved forward and away from the wall. As I turned my head around I was looking into the sickening grinning face of what looked like a clown with with black smears around his eyes and face and the most terrifying face and eyes I have ever seen. His eyes were dark and glossy and piercing. He looked kind of like the Heath Ledger Joker with red lips and bone-white colored skin except he didn't have green hair. The horizontal and vertical streaks across his eyes also made him look different. I don't really remember much about his garb except that he was holding some kind of sceptre. As soon as I looked at him he waved his sceptre at me and said, "You're mine. I have you!". He laughed and then I remember waking up. In my dream I had screamed out loud and now that I was awake I was crying and shivering uncontrollably in fear. It took me a moment to realize that my bed was not moved forward. After that I was terrified to put my feet up again the wall thinking that somehow by doing so I had provoked this being to appear to me.

Another time I was dreaming that I was lying in my bed looking down the passage (my room had a view of the passage) in a sort of fuzzy state which was not clear to me. When I noticed a sort of black cat with long pointy ears come into view. It glared at me from the other side of the passage and snarled. Then it had a more menacing knowing look come over its face and it said my name. Then it charged at me before I was shocked to full consciousness.

Perhaps my earliest experience of the feeling of being paralyzed by a demonic presence was this experience. It was really weird and unlike any of my other demonic dreams. I dreamed that I was out on the street standing on the pavement outside this sort of shop with glass windows and I thought I recognized something like a five-pointed star on the glass. Next thing I found myself inside and this evil oppressive suffocating presence came over me. I don’t remember much of what it looked like but I remember there was a lot of black hair, like a woman’s long hair. The creature that was afflicting me seemed to be a black shadow with lots of hair waving about. The thing I remember most about this dream is that I desperately wanted to escape and I was being tortured and oppressed on the floor. I remember being so traumatized that I couldn’t get away from this thing. I remember even getting up a few times then I would be pulled back to the floor and feel paralyzed again. I had the distinct feeling it was enjoying hurting me both physically and emotionally and that it wanted to hurt me more than it was. I remember knowing how much it hated me. I have no idea what it was doing to me or trying to do. There are so many things about this dream that are a blur to me now. I know it was a lot more intense and frightening than I can describe it.

I remember one day my family and I were getting ready to go out for supper at a restaurant. We were all heading out the door when I suddenly realized I had forgotten something in my room. I ran back into my room to get it. As I entered the room I felt a sense of fear come over me and I had a tremendous urge to run away. It felt as though something was in the room watching me. As I hesitated the room was suddenly filled with this loud guttural growl, like that of a large dog as though it was right there in the room with me. Whatever it was I had gone back into the house to fetch I left it and sprinted out of that house as fast as I could. I never again felt any sense of safety in my room. Whenever I went in there I would fear that a dog or a wolf or some kind of horrible beast would suddenly appear and bite me.

This just heightened my sense of fear that I would carry for years. For years I would only sleep with a pillow over my head giving myself just enough space to breath lying on my side curled up with my blanket pulled up over it. It at least helped me feel a little safer. Sometimes I would need to go to the toilet in the middle of the night but I would hold it in because I would rather wait for daylight before I would dare get up. When I did go I had to kind of psyche myself up.

I used to go for walks around my neighborhood by myself. The one day I went walking I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was tailing me from behind wherever I went. I kept looking around but couldn’t see anything. Near the end of my walk I looked around again and there behind me the faint image of some kind of a dog appeared in the middle of the road. Its front was broader than its back, longer legs in the front, shorter in the back and it had a flattish head with these transfixed eyes on me. I blinked and it was gone. 

When I reached around thirteen I started having visitations at night by demons that would appear to me in various forms sometimes I would be able to see them, sometimes not. The one experience stands out above all the rest at this time because it was the most terrifying. I remember waking up in the middle of the night staring at the ceiling. I had woken up to a sense of great dread and fear. I could feel an evil presence in the room that I had become familiar with. When that presence was felt all the hairs on my arms and on the back of my neck would stand up. I felt like I was being pressed into the bed. I couldn't move. I couldn't even make a sound. I tried to scream for my parents but all that came out was the sound of my mouth trying to form a word. I felt paralyzed. My eyes were drawn to the ceiling again and there in the darkness hovering above me the outline of a creature that was the blackest black I have ever seen was forming. It was so dark it made the night darkness around it look like daylight compared to it. The creature had very long arms that spread across the whole ceiling and long claws. It had what appeared to be tiny legs. Its torso was thinner at the bottom and thicker at the top. Its body was bat-like and it had a small cat-like head. And there were those piercing green eyes that were the most evil and terrifying I have ever seen. Those eyes were like great empty abysses or pools of darkness and it felt as though they threatened to suck me into them. I was fighting to avoid looking into these eyes. I also had the sensation that I was being dragged down the bed toward the end. I was absolutely gripped with fear. I fought for what seemed like forever trying to rebuke the demon in the name of Jesus. I started saying it in my head and that seemed to loosen the demon's grip on me little bit by little bit until I could whisper the name of Jesus and then say it. About the second time I said "I rebuke you in the name of Jesus" I felt the grip of the demon over me loosen and then just before it fled. What a relief that was. But I was left in a pool of sweat and feeling sicker than ever. I was so upset I woke up my parents and they let me sleep in their bed the next three nights. It was that horrible.

If you have ever looked into the eyes of one of these powerful demons you will know that you cannot know just how utterly evil and depraved Satan and his darkness is until you do so. Looking into those eyes floods and overloads your senses and your brain and your consciousness with more information about the true depth and severity and substance of pure evil and sin and cruelty than you can absorb that it stuns you and causes you tremendous pain and suffering. The human mind cannot comprehend how deeply perverted and twisted and freakishly otherworldly Satan really is. And I can tell you one thing. There is nothing attractive about Satan's darkness that knows no end. Only repulsion. Whatever seems to be attractive and seductive is only deception and trickery. He is the father of lies after all.

I must say there is also something incredibly humbling about looking into the eyes of a demon. It makes you realize just how helpless we are and how much we are at the mercy of this conundrum of cruelty that is Satan's kingdom without Jesus and His protection.

Another thing I remember was my incredible thirst for all that was good after my encounter with this demon. For days afterwards I was the best behaved I had ever been. All I wanted to do was be good. That experience had made one thing in my mind clear. I absolutely do not want to go to the same place that demon comes from which is hell! Wherever that thing is I do not want to be. I made a decision that night that I would never go to hell no matter what. That ideal in my mind is still as strong as ever today. To motivate myself to follow Christ all I have to do is think about that demon that I saw and smelt and tasted and that revealed something far more putrid and revolting than I ever thought possible that night.

From fourteen to seventeen I was being visited and tormented by demons almost on a daily basis. These experiences seemed to intensify during this period because at least before I was able to go for weeks or months without being visited at a time. It was so bad that I eventually resorted to sleeping with my Bible under my pillow, writing scriptures on pieces of paper and sticking them to the wall. Near the end of my ordeal, my parents started anointing the doors, the windows, etc and that seemed to help.

At about the time when these experiences started intensifying we moved homes. I remember the day we moved into the new house when we were still making trips back and forth bringing our belongings. The very first time I set foot in the passage that led to the other rooms I saw this pitch black shadow move across the wall and disappear into the first room on the right.

Another time when I was alone in the house, I went through to the kitchen to get a drink. As you enter the kitchen there is a door to the right that leads out into the backyard, the pool and a guest room. As I stepped into the kitchen, without warning a man suddenly appeared through the closed door and walked right at me. It lasted for just a split second but I saw that he was a young man dressed in a sort of priestly religious loose white robe with a red symbol of an “A” with a circle around it on his chest. His expression was blank but menacing. As soon as I blinked he was gone.

At this time I was frequently being woken up in the middle of the night by demonic attacks. I would wake up to that all too familiar sense of dread, knowing what was coming next. All my senses would be alerted to danger and then I would feel paralyzed. Sometimes I wouldn’t even be able to open my eyes. No matter how often you experience that you never get used to it. It is always just as terrifying as the first time. I would feel the presence of something in the room and then it would attack. I would feel this incredible pain as though it was trying to rip my sides open or my chest. Usually I would catch glimpses of it. I would see a figure appear in the darkness as the paralysis came on and see it move towards me. Sometimes it would appear above me as a blob or in some other misshapen shape. Sometimes I would see it appear and then jump onto my chest. I have no idea what they were trying to do but the same thing would happen over and over again. I wonder if they were trying to enter my body. But I would always fight. Each time it would feel like a fight for my life. Each time I would think that this could be my last night on earth. They would only ever leave once I was able to rebuke the in the name of Jesus.

I remember the one time lying on my side and opening my eyes sensing an attack coming again. The paralysis came and my eyes became weak but they were still looking in the direction of the doorway to my room. As I was struggling to keep my eyes open I saw a dark figure in the form of a man walk through the door and stop at my side. I could hardly follow him with my eyes. I was aware that it was leaning over towards me and I felt that searing pain in my body again as though it was trying to turn me inside out through the sides of my abdomen. Most of it was a blur and I felt like I was barely conscious. I got the impression that it didn’t want me to see it. I would imagine it almost felt like being operated on by a doctor or a surgeon under a powerful sedative.

Sometimes my bed would lift up to the ceiling or I would have an outer body experience. I remember sometimes during these attacks I would feel myself floating around the room. I would be aware that I was by the carpet in the corner of the room. Then I would be floating near the ceiling. It was weird and I don’t understand it. The best I can do is try to explain it to the best of my ability.

I am pretty sure these demons have erased much of the memory of these experiences but thankfully I am still able to remember much of it. Most times after these experiences I would find it hard to remember the details of what had just happened to me like one of those dreams where you are totally immersed but quickly start forgetting details as soon as you wake up.

This continued until shortly after my seventeenth birthday when my whole family decided to go for deliverance and to deal with the family bloodlines. Many generational curses and other open doors were revealed and thankfully we were able to have them dealt with. Delving into witchcraft and the occult should not be taken lightly. They give Satan a legal right to afflict you and members of your family.

This deliverance brought an end to the demonic attacks. Since then I have enjoyed years of peace without torment.

Throughout my life the Lord has been there with me, even through my darkest hours. I have always known that. I remember times when I would call out to Him in times of distress and I would suddenly be engulfed with waves of love, peace, joy and comfort. I would know without a doubt that it was the Lord. Right there at a time when I couldn’t feel lower the Lord would make His presence known and I would be comforted and lifted up. And the Lord treats every person uniquely. I know He never deals with any two people the same.

In the past couple of months my relationship with the Lord has grown. For the first time in my life I started studying the Bible, praying and worshipping the Lord genuinely. He has indeed made Himself known to me in His own unique way. I know there is still a lot of pain and hurt in my life. And I can feel the Lord’s hand in my life and I know that He is healing my wounds.

Several months ago, I was feeling really angry with the Lord about all the problems in my life and my past. I felt like I had had enough and no longer wanted to live, that I had nothing to live for. I decided to go for a long walk with all this on my mind that day. While I was walking I started looking at other people who seem to be having such a wonderful time out of life compared to me and they aren’t even bothered with God. I started thinking about things like attaching a placard to my chest with the words written, “This is how God treats His people”. Thoughts of things like deliberately not telling others about Jesus to get back at God for what He had allowed to happen in my life raced through my mind. And I felt totally just with the way I felt. In fact it made me feel better to be angry with God. Somehow, over the past month or so I had decided that God doesn’t really love me. I felt too insignificant, too trivial like nobody really cares.

When I crossed streets I deliberately didn’t look left or right hoping somebody would knock me over and kill me. I even prayed asking for the Lord to end my life. All of a sudden I didn’t care about myself at all. I even thought of jumping in front of a passing car.

Eventually I made it home and I just collapsed on the couch in front of the TV feeling sorry for myself and very heavy hearted. While I was lying there, still burning with anger, this warmth and love just started washing over me in great waves like I had never felt before. All my defenses against it just broke away like nothing was there but love. I could feel this powerful love healing and mending my brokenness. In an instant I saw a vision in my spirit of the Most High God, the mighty Creator of Heaven and Earth leaning forward on His throne deeply concerned. A falling sparrow flashed through my mind and those scriptures about the Lord noticing a falling sparrow and clothing a lily came to mind as well. It was more than I could take, my body being shaken by great sobs, tears running all over my face. In an instant the Lord showed me how He saw people through His eyes. I was overwhelmed with this love and it saturated my entire being. The Lord showed me how He is in control and images of the events that led to this moment flashed through my mind. In an instant I went from feeling totally livered with God to feeling completely unworthy of this attention, of His love. The tears kept coming for the rest of the night and into the following day. The Lord had revealed something about Himself that I couldn’t have imagined before and nor can I put into words adequately. Now my entire outlook towards the Lord has changed forever. I keep thinking to myself, “I had no idea, I had no idea”.

Since this last experience I have shared here I have had many other amazing experiences with the Lord. He has really reached out and touched my life. He has been revealing Himself to me and I've seen many prayers answered. I wish to share some of them soon in one of my upcoming stories.
NorseChief NorseChief
26-30, M
22 Responses Apr 24, 2011

We are people of flesh and blood. That is why Jesus became one of us. He died to destroy the devil, expel, who had power over death. Since therefore the children partake of blood and flesh, he also, in like manner, took part in the same, that through death he might annul him who has the might of death, that is, the devil;

Amazing story, glad you had the strength to stand your ground against this evil. thanks for sharing your story.

This is a compelling story. You must have has terrible nightmares. Did you end up seeing someone to help you stop these delusions, a therapist perhaps? I could feel the terror in your words.

Delusions? Lol. I\'m not schizophrenic and I wasn\'t running a high fever when experiencing most of them :) And I\'m not stupid either - I\'m actually very intelligent. This stuff is real. I think this demonic stuff I have been experiencing is related to the witchcraft and Freemasonry I recently discovered in my bloodline -- and I\'ve been dealing with it. Freemasonry particularly is an \"open door\". It\'s not just me that has been experiencing this sort of stuff in my family. Other family members have had similar experiences.

Okay. Freemasonry, sure. As opposed to what?

I\'m not sure I understand what you\'re asking. Do you mean, what else could there be besides Freemasonry that is the root/cause of this?

No. Is freemasonry is the wrong answer and the cause of these non-delusions what is the right answer?

are you saying that the free masons is an evil thing? if yes why?

My dad was in the Freemasons what was this freemason ? is it a evil cult type thing my dad unknowingly was in as he has since passed away.

This is a strange place to bring reality into swizzlstick. :p

huhh? what do you mean themarvelousme by that.:-)

Logical thinking is like a tree growing in an endless dessert of strange beliefs.

@ Swizzlstick: If you want to see what Freemasonry is about, check out this renunciation prayer for those involved in it. I think the information was taken from a collection of people who have been involved in it, repented of it and that have shared this information. Near the bottom of the page, download the pdf file named 'Prayers of Renunciation - Secret Organisations':

7 More Responses

As Gabriel14 pointed out, darkness is attracted to light- and vice versa. Which is why I'm happy to dwell in betwixt.

A very powerful and moving story. I am so glad you are safe now.

Hey brother you just keep strong in the Lord out of much struggle comes great reward. The Lord would never put you through something that you can not handle and where ever you are in this life the Lord Jesus will always be there to help. You are special and your experiences are special and I want to say God bless you. Lastly for all you know your story has already helped hundreds maybe even thousands of people I see you have more than one thousand views now:D

Relationships are hard. You have to be sure of yourself first. Before forging a relationship with some rigid, perfect being thing, perhaps you should see yourself as the ultimate authority first. Every living person is stronger than every dead person. Don't feed these beings with fear, and they won't play with you. Just say: "Reincarnate yourself, b*tch."

Very touching story. I am going though some hard times as well. please keep me in your prayers my name is Anushka. God bless

Wow, That is very intense. Gabriel is right. I'm sorry you had to go through this.

"This just heightened my sense of fear that I would carry for years. For years I would only sleep with a pillow over my head giving myself just enough space to breath lying on my side curled up with my blanket pulled up over it. It at least helped me feel a little safer. Sometimes I would need to go to the toilet in the middle of the night but I would hold it in because I would rather wait for daylight before I would dare get up. When I did go I had to kind of psyche myself up." ~<br />
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From the ages of 4 though 7 I was so terrified of the things that roamed in the darkness that I would bury myself under pillow and blanket every night. I would always here things. I would always pray and hope that by not seeing them I would not give power to them and they would go away. I hated having a room to myself. I would dream about them all the time. I wish my family knew anything about shutting doors/portals or even how to pray for protection. I had no idea what to do back then. The only advice I got from my mother was, don't look at them and they will go away. lol

Dude your like my hero. You had alot of **** do deal with and your still going, your amazing. Also even though im young please listen to what i have to say. All things of pure darkness are attracted to the light.I might know why they are following you and your family. People born with power or those filled with light are a beacon to those things they feed off you and are trying to convert you please stay strong because the sun is setting the darkness is coming.

Gabriel14, how did you know that? Where did you get that information from if you don't mind me asking?

Let your light stand as a pillar, protected and unyielding. That darkness may not erode it away. For the darkness sheds no light and offers no substance. All darkness must feed to survive. Be ever wary of it's presence for it is in disparate need of any weakness it can find.

the part where you said you had a dream that you were in a cave with demons? i dont think it was a dream. i had the same experience, if you would care to discuss it sometime. i would be great full i know they were wanting something from us, i think about my experience and wonder why? are we to tell people of the trip to hell? it happend to me less than ten years ago. lisa

I always called them sewers. They are all over on the other side. The worst part is that's not even hell. You have no idea....

if there is anything you can tell me, i would gladly listen.
thank you moms253

God Bless your soul

Thank you.

Thank you all for your comments.<br />
<br />
Mizzfaye, those experiences are real. Thank you for sharing.<br />
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BeWiseNow, thanks for that information. I'll be using it in the future. ;) When I went for deliverance, they mentioned many of the things you mentioned above. I can see you are very knowledgeable about spiritual warfare. <br />
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I do still feel demonic oppression from time to time. I think most of the attacks are on my mind and in my thoughts. I've been struggling a lot for the last 3 months or so with extremely blasphemous horrible thoughts. No matter what I do, they just don't seem to want to go away. I was wondering if anything you mentioned above would specifically target that area where I am being attacked?

SunsetSong, no matter how hard I try, I cannot bring myself to be angry at the Lord about anything after He showed me that. I think the Lord snuffed that out of my life for good with that experience. :)<br />
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If He wishes to use me I am only to glad to be of service to Him. :)

Jane1984, in the end it all comes down to your own experiences. Best of wishes.

Wow, these experiences are very intense. I would love to believe them. I was raised Episcopalian. I have never had God make his presence in any way known to me. I have asked many times. This has lead me to the point of taking control of my own life. It would be easier to believe in such a thing, but I seek only for my own experiences and don't draw faith from the experiences of others.

God is with you. Literally. Always. If you do not see this than what sign is there that would prove it to you? It is better to curse God and to admit your frustrations in earnest then deny your weakness's and live in self doubt. Bring your burdens to God. Least the shadows take his place and fog your mind and heart.

If you've asked and you haven't heard anything, you're not paying attention. God works in mysterious ways.


Your experiences are very frightening, you're so brave to have survived or that even as a child.

Your experiences are very frightening, you're so brave to have survived or that even as a child.

wow amazing