I Think Im Self Destructive

i started smoking pot at about 12 a year later it was everyday ive done crystal meth & popped pills.

feeling high has become a normal feeling for me it's the only thing that makes me happy but its short lived,

i dont do any hard drugs now days but there always on my mind, i occasionally smoke pot but now days i've developed a drinking problem which im trying to kick but it's hard i've got no support, friends have deserted, my family look down on me im always depressed & often angry at what i am everyday i wish someone will just shoot me & put me out of my misery

please help me.. 
Giani44 Giani44
22-25, M
1 Response Sep 24, 2010

i've been there. you can read some of my stories if you want. i was on meth for a year. i started using it to forget the problems i was depressed over. ended up getting to out of tune from the lack of sleep, malnutrition, dehydration, paranoia, everything i forgot even what my life was or that i ever was so depressed over, all i came to know was the reality of hell i was in until i hit the bottom; or atleast it was the bottom where my sister, ex, and two police found me at after searching the city for me. the 'person' i was after being high for a year had given up and was going to sleep and just never wake up. if i wouldent have been found it would ahve been only been a matter of days before my body gave in. at that point i was so tired though i felt nothing because all i was doing was sleeping. i would have literally just never woke up. <br />
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now i can't believe i was ever in that position or that 'person'. i like life. life hurts sometimes, a lot of time, and really bad. you think you have seen the worse, and then you get thrown something twice as bad as before. these are experiences we have to learn from, and when we can't we just want out. after hitting rock bottom, and thinking theres is nothing left(like in my case, there literally wasn't any trace of my old life or who i was) we think of the end. some do it and leave, others fail and have to live with the regret of failing even that, or your like me and snap back into your reality because it wasn't you. i was the one depressed, i was the one that had everything taken from me, and i was the one that let an idea take over my mind; to sleep and not wake up. luckily i got woken up. <br />
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here is a quote that pretty much sums it up from Girl Interrupted <br />
<br />
"When you don't want to feel, death can seem like a dream. But seeing death, really seeing it, makes dreaming about it ******* ridiculous. Maybe, there's a moment growing up when something peels back... Maybe, maybe, we look for secrets because we can't believe our minds... "