Staying Sober Is So Hard When I Hurt This Bad.

This is my first time on this site...
I'm not sure if anyone will relate/be willing to talk with me about anything I may share. But I figure its worth a try.
I'm a 22 year old women, who is now been sober from prescription pills, cocaine, ecstasy, & my biggest struggle... Heroin, for 27 days.

There is much to my story that I would like to share.. But what brought me here today was the harsh reality I was faced with early this morning..

I used heroin for a while.. It was by far my favorite high out of everything I have done (which I can honestly say I have tried most everything...something I'm not proud of now). I started shooting up only a week after I tried smoking it for the first time. By the time I was only a few weeks in, I had lost 25 pounds & had pawned everything I owned to get more dope.
The person who introduced me to lady black, was a customer who came into the bistro I was working at. He started by hooking me up with pills... It progressed quickly. We began spending everyday together.
Over time he began making jokes about how one day I'd be a "bag *****" (a female dope user who sleeps with guys for heroin). I never went down that road....
Not on purpose.

One day, after all our dope (his & mine) were gone... He decided to pawn the only thing he had left, his laptop. He got $300 for it. & of course we went & got a grip of dope.

He didn't want to give it to me...he said I needed to earn it. I didn't like the sound of this. But I wanted the black more than anything in the world at that point.

He said that if he gave me a shot (shooting up a piece) that afterward he'd tell me what i could do to earn it. I figured I could get high & take off right after to spare myself of any weird payment plan he was going to set up. Little did I know that's not how it would happen.

He shot up, then shot me up. I immediately laid down, feeling amazing once again. Forgetting my plan of leaving. Hoping he'd load a piece to smoke. Which he did. But not till after he brutally raped me.

Today, I find out I have chlamydia.
& waiting on test results to find out of I now carry HIV...
I never told anyone what he did to me. I figured it was my fault for giving into the temptation of the drug. I didn't want to believe I would have let that happened to me.

I am ashamed.
Hurt.
Lonely.
& with no one to turn to...
CountryGirl2812 CountryGirl2812
22-25, F
3 Responses Sep 14, 2012

Hope you are still clean.

Hi sweetie :) Sounds like you are going through so much and I am sorry to hear about it all. But it seems like you are really smart and are going to be strong and get yourself back on track with wisdom and help from everyone. I will be here for you and share my stories and be here to talk to you. sometimes you just need others to get you through :)

To to the nearest NA meeting n keep coming back.Stay clean no matter what.
Ask the females if there is a women's meeting in your town n go there.
You'll need medical help, sure, but unless you stay clean you can't persue a medical remedy meaningfully.
Please feel free to call me if you have any questions.
Love n Hugs