Leaving Feminism And Learning To Love Myself.

Feminism isn't just hateful toward men, it is hateful towards women. I grew up listening to Gloria Stynem and was raised by a single mom. I had no male role models in life. I didn't know how a man was supposed to be. Mom hated men. She hated my dad. So I said I hated men too and I would have children but never marry. That just lead to loneliness and going down a lot of bad roads. Being an equal partner in a marriage is important to feminists. I don't like that. I am a submissive wife. I defer to my husband. I like him to be the dominant one. I think it is very sexy and womanly for a woman to be submissive to her husband. Harmony is better achieved when one leads and one follows, kind of like in dancing. This way we never fight over stupid things like money. Some men take advantage of a woman who seeks to obey her husband. My first husband abused that. Still, I stuck with him until he threw me out after 13 years of marriage. I am very blessed to be married to a man I trust to lead us in life. He follows God and I follow him.
Siberia1000 Siberia1000
46-50, F
3 Responses Dec 15, 2012

So you are saying that you like to be more passive in your relationship and there is nothing wrong with that, but I think you might be a bit confused about the definition of feminism. Feminism is just about equality, gender equality, civil equality, it's just the belief that everyone is equal. Feminists are not man haters, those who are aren't actually feminists at all.

Good for you Siberia1000 :) I'm glad that you two are happy and have a harmony with your roles in the marriage.

Thanks. I'm no doormat though. I have strong views on politics and social issues and am an activist. My husband like that about me. I just defer to him on most things. I learned that me trying to make all the decisions is immasculating for men and they lose motivation to take the lead, which ends up ruining their sex lives. Men feel sexy when they get to be men. That is my experience, anyway. I appreciate your comment.:)

Unfortunately, many people think that hating men is the main tenet of feminism. I don't claim to know a lot about it, but it sounds as though your mother taught you how to follow her beliefs, and not how to be a feminist. As for being a submissive wife, it sounds as though that was *your choice*, and if it works for you then it's a good thing, for YOU. In my opinion, feminism is about women having the right to decide how to live their own lives: if we want to have a career, we can; if we want to be a housewife, we can; if we want to be submissive to our spouse, we can. We can make these choices for ourselves, and to me, that is feminism. It has nothing at all to do with hating men, or choosing career over children/family, or acting like men. It has to do with having the CHOICE to be whatever we want to be.

I don't believe feminism and man-hating are the same thing.

...I also think it was irresponsible of your mom to teach you to hate your dad. The only good reason for a child to not have contact with either parent is if that parent's a danger to the child.

I see you are happy in your relationship-you get what you need and want.
...I was miserable in a relationship in which I am ordered about and told what to do. This behavior of my STBX gave me the impression I was far too stupid to be trusted with any decision.
I believed it, I grew to despise myself.

Too, I've yet to have any serious relationship in which I could my partner to manage finances. Not that I'm good at it, but a lot of people are even worse.