So I got married in June. I've known my husband for 7-8 years (lost track), been living with him for around 7 months, and dating for a year. We have a baby together.
Last month he started acting strange - angry, distant, argumentative. He started to leave for days on end. He would leave for 2-3 days and wouldn't tell me where he had been - no text, no call, nothing - and then come home as if it were perfectly normal. His family proclaims they didn't know where he was during those times.
Well, he left after two weeks of this, because he was caught cheating. He was and still is with his ex girlfriend, Gloria (who is a horrible person, by the way. Ugly, too. They deserve each other.), who knew he was married and had a baby. I have given him lots of chances all throughout this month and last month to talk to me and be honest with me, but he has ignored me and lied to me at every turn. Finally I told him I was done, that I wasn't going to put up with a cheating boy and I wasn't going to let him be around our baby - what is that teaching the child if I let him back into our home after this? That cheating is okay.
In any case, he called me last night and I ignored his call. He texted me this morning asking if we could talk, just me and him.
I didn't and haven't replied back, just like he did to me.
I don't intend to reply. He doesn't deserve to talk to me. I have asked him all month if we could talk and he squandered every opportunity.
I'm angry. But I also feel this strange indifference. And peace. I've told God that if my husband is somehow going to miraculously change for the better and stay that way, then he is going to have to heap divine forgiveness upon me to give to my husband, and he is going to have to heap tons of love over me for him. Because I can't do it. He doesn't deserve me. He doesn't deserve this life. I have treated him well, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. I have apologized for the thing's I did wrong in the relationship. I have never blown up on him not once throughout this entire endeavor. The worst thing I've ever said to him throughout all this is, "May fate never let us meet again." Because I don't want to see him. He makes me sick, even just thinking about him. I can't believe how fooled I have been for so long. He outright lied to me. I have never not once in my entire life lied to him. I can only imagine what other thing's he's lied to me about.
Prayers, anyone?
Ealasme Ealasme
18-21, F
Aug 19, 2014