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I Know He Loves Me... Finally.

My boyfriend and I have been together a long time for dating standards these days. Seven years is a long time when that's still a significant portion of your life. In the beginning I had no doubts in my mind that I loved him and would always be in love with him, but the other way around was not so crystal clear. After a very rocky beginning and a tortuous one-year break up, three years ago we moved out of our hometown and started a our own family (no kids, just a dog).

All this time I would always have to tell myself I know he loves me... but I don't think I really believed it. He never told me so, and although he was very sweet, thoughtful, and caring. I just didn't feel as if he meant it. It always loomed over my mind that I would wake up one day and he would be gone again. I'm an optimist though, and never really had a reason to think otherwise so I always let the little things slide.

He's never been an "emotional" person, sharing his feelings or experiences of his childhood and I accepted that a long time ago. Recently, I had to go away to training for work for four days about 300 miles away from home. We havn't been apart more than 24 hours in over three years by this time. I'm terribly stressed about having to go and he non-chalantly just tells me to have fun and not worry so much. After arriving there and spending one night I was ready to come home, he convinced me otherwise and I decided to stay. After that first night I actually began to enjoy myself. I had made a few friends in the class I was in and as long as I got to talk to him I wasn't horribly homesick. While on the phone with him I had recieved a few phone calls on the hotel phone from people in the class with me and had dinner with all of them a couple of times.

When I made it home all I wanted was a happy reunion. I just wanted to cuddle and feel wanted and missed, cause heaven knows I missed him dearly. I didn't get any of that. I figured it was just because he had just gotten home from work, so I let it go. While we lay in bed he sighs and tells me that since Thursday (I had left on a tuesday and this was Saturday night) he had been unable to sleep. With a sleepy brain I ask why and he tells me that he feels like God has turned his back on him... and he goes on to explain that he doesn't know what to do since he's relied on God for everything. I comfort with words the best I can and let him know he can always talk to me about anything...

Several minutes pass before he says anything. He tells me that he heard the conversation I had with one of my friends from the class.. I said ok. He asked if I knew what I had said at the end of the conversation.. I said no. He continues to tell me that he heard me tell this man that I had known three days that I loved him, whilst on another phone with him less than two feet away. I laugh, until I realize how serious he is, and then the tears come. He looks at me with the most soulbearing look I have ever seen in the dark and says to me "It was bad enough that God turned his back... but I didn't know what to do when I thought I lost an angel too." After some explaining and clearing of misunderstandings, he revealed to me that he was more worried about the things he had done and taken for granted, because of what he thought he had heard.

I know he loves me now and forever. And he knows I love him always. And I'm the happiest woman on earth.

Irista Irista 18-21 Jun 10, 2008

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