Karma?

Apologies ... but I'm having a bad moment ...

It's not really like me to be pessimistic nor negative (friends will know that to be the case), BUT ... just feeling down this weekend.

It feels like I'll never have a decent relationship with a supportive partner, someone to rely on ... I'm no material girl either ... but just someone to share the burden with.

A loving relationship, both physically and spiritually with a man who will be there just for me. 

Is it a karma kickback?  Did I do something so wrong in a previous life? 

I seem to surround myself with people who take from me ... who think it's their god-given right to lean heavily on what I can provide. 

And I do provide. 

But when is it going to be my turn?  Perhaps the answer lies beyond the pearly gates ... I'll certainly have a few questions to raise when I get there. 

I'm tired ... tired with constantly wrestling with life and trying to tease joy from inside the tangle of nonsense that surrounds me day by day. 

Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. 
womaninbliss womaninbliss
51-55, F
9 Responses Dec 8, 2012

on this.. I can connect... guess its just life's bumps some people receive

"But when is it going to be my turn?"

Must we really ask, Blissy...?

Do you feel better? I hope so. <3

Yes, thanks. Today feels a little brighter, the feeling comes and goes. :)

I know what you mean... :)

<>

I recently went through something similar and confronted my husband about it. He had said, "You've never been weak and I am confused to handle it when you are." The thing is, I don't know if you are like me, but showing my vulnerable side is difficult. I've learned that sometimes, it's not instinct for other people to know how to respond, they have to be taught. "I want you to just hold me." is the most difficult thing for me to say. Maybe these are your issues as well.

I can show vulnerability ... problem is that when I do (with husband and daughter which is who this is directed at) will either fall to pieces themselves or tell me not to be so ridiculous and to pull myself together. :(

Strange, because not to long ago I had a bit of a break down with some difficult decisions and my husband said the same things or close to. Later, since we are trying to fix our marriage, I communicated to him that if it was going to work, he had to be there to carry me sometimes, because it's just too difficult to carry stuff on my own all of the time and be the one that fixes stuff all the time. Our relationship has always been one sided like that. That's when he said the words that were in my first comment.

Awww Bliss..... I hope the clouds lift soon.

But.....in some ways I think feeling this way is good for you.....YOU need to lean on any prospective partner FIRST, next time around... just to be sure they can handle it and are ok with taking their turn at it...This might be a HUGE learning experience for you that seems like just a tired and played frame of mind but it might just be the one thing that puts you in a different gear....One that doesn't HAVE to hold the whole world up....

That is totally what you have been doing too and lets be real.....that is too much for any one person to do all the darn time....You are easily one of the strongest and most positive women I have ever known on or off a computer but even YOU....Lady Atlas has a limit to how much you can handle and reaching that limit might do you a lot of good..... I hope so anyway....♥ hugs and hugs

I suppose I do expect a lot from myself. Hugs to you too hon.

I think, sadly, that a lot of people feel they are always giving and never receiving the same support.

"At the beginning, we are in a relationship because we are attracted to the other person. We think they are sexy, smart, funny, whatever it is that we find appealing. But very quickly, the focus of the relationship turns to whether we feel appreciated. If we don't feel appreciated, we don't feel loved." ~ Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Hugs

Yes, that's a good one sciguy. It can be very destructive to feel you're taken for granted.

Im sorry to read how you're feeling right now...this time of year can be so hard, with Christmas "cheer" in the shops, happy familes and couples everywhere you look...or so it seems. There can be a certain pressure this time of year, not just of consumerism but also family ideals and customs- expectations. And the pressures we put on ourselves...The struggles we go through somehow seem worse this time of year with the darker days and biting cold...but things will become brighter Im sure. There is a season for everything- apparently...I am looking for the silver lining in my cloud too. I hope and pray that you will find peace and fulfilment, support and enrichment-emotionally and financially.

Thank you for your support steelbutterfly.

We all have this moments. I'm sorry that you're feeling down. I admire you for being so strong because I never was that way.
Maybe you should be more selective who to support and who not? You loose too much energy when people only take and never give back.

Yes, I get what you're saying Ricki ... but this is my husband and daughter I'm talking about here ... I don't really have much of a choice about supporting them ... at least that's how it feels at the moment.

I'm sorry that your husband isn't the strong partner in your marriage. Same here but I knew that right from the start so I can't blame him now.

yes, it's a choice we make at the beginning ... no point complaining down the road I guess.

There would be a solution but you have a loving and caring heart and I not even want to suggest it to you.

1 More Response