Finally It Happened..but Lost Someone..

This is a the story of a young women, who needed to find herself. Although it took her until she was 31 to discover that life was holding much more for her, she just did not see it. She knew that there was something missing in her life, and was unique in many ways. When young she had 2 beautiful children, and married a man she was not in love with as she walked down the isle, feeling it was wrong, but morally did it because she was brought up this way. She married a man who was abusive, as many women do, if they are brought up in a home in which they where raised seeing the same. Knowing that it was something to expect when married. The days passed by and the marriage went on, but not for long. Not for the length at which she once vowed. Courage came to her and left the relationship, with her children in toe. It was very hard to do, but she did it for them as well as for myself. Married for only 4 and half years, it did seem longer, and  she was guilt ridden for sometime thinking where did she go wrong, but soon came to the conclusion that is was not a stable relationship nor normal. Soon after she reunited with a past friend, a bestfriend at that, they courted for sometime, until they moved in together, as he was excepting of her two children, and vowed to marry one day. Things where of course great at the start, the children where happy and she thought she was too. Finally, but then it began the same cycle of abuse, not as harsh but she knew she was better than that. So, she moved on 9 years later. She was a very determined women to make things work, but during this time she lost herself. She knew there was something more out there, and it was not nessessarly in a realtionship, yet something. Then it came to her one day, she was doing her normal routine of going to work, carving out a living for herself and her children. She was in the process of moving on with her life, and not dreaming anymore of things that she wanted to happen, the romance she craved for the love she desired, and the need to find out  what she was missing and why she was missing it. Then while working one day it hit her straight into her heart. There she stood, yes she, she worked with her. She had great respect for her, and knew very well that she was a lesbian, and that was something in which she was fine with. She never judged anyone, sex, color, etc... but she did judge herself, and for this she was glad that she did. She was attracted, in so many ways to someone in which she worked with, but the beauty that she saw within, and out was something in which words could not express even though she wrote poetry all her life and knew he words. The word love was just not enough. The contentment in her was unvailing, and she was coming out to the world. how much would she lose in the process, uncertain of the outcome, would she loose what small family she had, and did she care. Her children where her main priority, and knowing that her children where growing up, and they looked at her, not as human, with feelings and emotions, just as a mother, she knew that one day she too, would be alone while they left the nest. It was time for her to fly free, it was time to discover who and what she was. She knew she was happy as she embraced the change, even though at first it was different, exciting, scaring and so much more..but things where finally wonderful and great. She was able to open herself up, like a flower that need to be watered to blossom, but it was not all peaches and cream either... The loss of one was hard to bare, and even though it has only been 3 months to this day she has been OUT and open, she knows this is right, and feels wonderful....feels alive..but someone left her life and she does not know how to deal with it...

LadyDove LadyDove
31-35
2 Responses Feb 11, 2009

IT IS OBVIOUS THAT YOU HAVE A HARD TIME. DO REALLY THINK THAT YOU ARE A LESBIN? HAVE YOU FELT THAT WAY SINCE YOU WERE A TEENAGER OR OLDER, OR DID IT HAPPEN BECAUSE OF MEN,AND HARD TIMES IN A RELATIONSHIP?

Thanks for sharing your story.<br />
You show such strength and courage to go through not just one but two abusive relationships - and then to realise that you were attracted to women - all while raising two children - and yet you seem to have remained so spirited and sure.<br />
The love you have lost might hurt now, but I can tell from all you have overcome that you will survive. You know that there is some great and special love out there for you, it will happen. <br />
Best wishes, stay strong!