At Least Not To Me, Personally

From my own perspective, I don't think I'm as smart as people say I am. Maybe that shouldn't be said but it's true. I didn't finish school, dropped out in the eighth grade (somewhere in the middle to be honest where they merged eighth and ninth grade together, a program called "8.5" where you'd have at least four subjects in the ninth grade but one subject in eighth grade, mainly pertaining to Mathematics or Algebra) since that was the important class in school. I didn't go to college, never got a diploma or G.E.D., never went to college, and never even had a job or acquired a trade or skill (not even once) so how am I smart?

Do I think about going back to school? Yes, all the time but will I ever get the opportunity? Maybe or no is my answer to that. Don't get me wrong, I do want to continue my education but it's hard on me financially and I know of the resources that are out there but there is always a Catch 22 and I don't know if I can believe much of anything. I'm still thinking of joining Job Corps, still thinking of getting a real job, still thinking that I have enough time not to give completely up on myself.

Sometimes I just don't feel smart enough though because even though I give everyone advice, even though I stand up for everyone else, even though I find ways to keep others going and do for other people, I can't find the strength to do for myself. After all I do for people, it leads me feeling completely and utterly drained. I know I'm not as smart as people say I am and sometimes find myself realizing it when I'm around other people. When I'm around my husband who is eleven years older than me, he corrects me and I can't help but feel intimidated by his intelligence. I don't think I should be but I am. Maybe it's because of the fact that I don't like for anyone to correct me but I just feel so stupid when that happens. So much so, that I'll sulk within myself. Don't get me wrong, I know my husband tries to make me a better person by doing this but most of the time I wind up feeling very embarrassed because of it. I still remember everything I learned in school except for when I zoned out in class, purposely. But I'm not ready to give up on myself so don't count me out on rising from the ashes like a phoenix.

Dimples87 Dimples87
26-30, F
6 Responses Feb 15, 2010

Thanks, SweetSour, your words mean a lot to me. Thanks for believing in my ability to achieve higher things with what talents I do have.

Don't insult us all, you are pretty clever AND sensitive. I hope you'll give your talents a chance to shine even brighter.

Thanks for commenting Neeran, I'm looking forward to conversating with you more to catch up as well.

I think your smart Dimple, Your writings says it all. Your very well cultured and education means intelligence not certificates or diplomas. On that matter your very well fitted into the intelligent category. It's natural that we get ashamed when someone tries to correct us, I feel the same way. Luck y to have a friend.like you. CHEERS!

You know what WifeTellsAll, you're right I do the same thing. I go to the library ever so often to self-educate myself since I've quite school some years back. I'm glad I can find a way to educate myself as well. So thanks for your comment.

For someone that didn't graduate I have to say you write really well. I'm no grammar expert as you can see, but I have to say your writing flows real well. You could of fooled me. I want to be a good writer so I'm trying my best to educate myself via checking out books from the library and learning on my own. It's slow going, but it fits into my busy schedule and budget.