My Reason For Living Passed Of Pancreatic Cancer This Dec 10th

We fought for three years..this healthy kind ,gentle man who put everyone before himself found out he had pancreatic cancer three years ago..

.His primary Dr. thought it was from meds he had taken..his constant stomach upset..."not cancer" was the dx...they were wrong and nine months later we were looking for a hospital on the internet..there were three that told us they were the best and one said they were number one...MD Anderson Cancer Institute became a huge part of our life..

We traveled from upstate NY to Houston every three months for the new dx ..getting his chemo back was a good plan...there were some successful times..his tumor marker dropped down to 72 from 4000..that meant things were being stopped and or healing..

We did this for two and a half years..there were drugs that would work and you could only have them once..and he never complained..I was always by his every dr. his chemo appts..

I traveled this road with my dearheart without anyone cheering us on except for a few out of town family member and a few local friends...A lot of prayer went up for him..

Finally the last visit to Anderson in Houston ....the news was sweet
love became chemo resistant....We came back home here and hoped we might find something else..something that had not been tried.....but no
it was not to be..We fought the good fight for so long...he was finally told that he was terminal and there was nothing else to do but wait..which we did..He had metatastic pancreatic cancer..and it had spread..when the chemo spread like wildfire..

We brought in hospice so he could be at home...

I tolerated so many things while his family raged because they could no longer stay in the denial mode they chose for so long...

My sweetheart went home to the Lord Dec 10th...I have been in shock ever since....I know people are waiting to see me "get better"

My new world is full of questions about taking care of the home, bills everything he did for me...he had spoiled me rotten..not financially..but how to do things to run a household...

He said he was worried about me for my future..but would not talk much about that because it would mean it was going to be over soon..

At the end, it happened very fast....and I thanked God he was not in pain..
I am now his widow and have a huge part of me missing...grieving is an individual thing I've been told...some take months some take years.....I'm trying not to think about the long term....I'm taking it one day at a time..that is hard enough..

All my family is out of I am trying to find support here on this site..I would like to connect with others ...Bobbi
survival101 survival101
Jan 8, 2013