I googled about love and this is what I found-
It’s normal for both people to occasionally sacrifice their own desires, their own needs, and their own time for one another. but when it comes to sacrificing one’s self-respect, one’s dignity, one’s physical body, one’s ambitions and life purpose, just to be with someone, then that same love becomes problematic. Here are few examples
to help you understand how to make marriages work

1. A young woman who just got married. She was madly in love with her husband. And despite the fact that he had been “between jobs” for more than a year, showed no interest in planning the wedding, often ditched her to take surfing trips with his friends, and her friends and family raised not-so-subtle concerns about him, she happily married him anyway.

But once the emotional high of the wedding wore off, reality set in. A year into their marriage, he’s still “between jobs,” he trashes the house while she’s at work, gets angry if she doesn’t cook dinner for him, and any time she complains he tells her that she’s “spoiled” and “arrogant.” Oh, and he still ditches her to take surfing trips with his friends.

And she got into this situation because she ignored all three of the harsh truths above. She idealized love. Despite being slapped in the face by all of the red flags he raised while dating him, she believed that their love signaled relationship compatibility. It didn’t. When her friends and family raised concerns leading up to the wedding, she believed that their love would solve their problems eventually. It didn’t. And now that everything had fallen into a steaming **** heap, she approached her friends for advice on how she could sacrifice herself even more to make it work.

And the truth is, it won’t.

Why do we tolerate behavior in our romantic relationships that we would never ever, ever tolerate in our friendships?

Imagine if your best friend moved in with you, trashed your place, refused to get a job or pay rent, demanded you cook dinner for them, and got angry and yelled at you any time you complained. That friendship would be over faster than Paris Hilton’s acting career.

Yet she stays with him! Why? Because he’s in love!

Thinking your partner is better than they really are makes for longer, better relationships.

Why marriages get hard over time? Because of habituation, fancy word for getting bored.

'Elements of fairy tales such as Cinderella were present in 78 percent of people’s beliefs about romantic love. Those people were more likely to have experienced disillusionment, devastation, and angst in their relationships than were those who gave less credence to fairy tales.'

Don’t Fix The Bad. Increase The Good.Divorce may have less to do with an increase in conflict and more to do with a decrease in positive feelings.

Forget Romance. Think Excitement. Go on exciting trips, behave like it's first date
Why would doing anything exciting have such a big effect on a relationship?
Because we’re lousy about realizing where our feelings are coming from.
Excitement from any source will be associated with the person you’re with, even if they’re not the cause of it.


yiskah yiskah
22-25, M
1 Response Aug 30, 2014

I know you "cite" markmanson.net as a resource, but you really just copied and pasted a lot of this from his article.

I'm sincere